


Something Just Like This

by Safepassageonyourtravels



Category: Bellamy Blake - Fandom, Bellarke - Fandom, Clarke Griffin - Fandom, The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M, bellarke AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-11
Updated: 2019-04-11
Packaged: 2020-01-11 07:42:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 35,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18426072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Safepassageonyourtravels/pseuds/Safepassageonyourtravels
Summary: Bellamy Blake may certainly be the most charming individual the world has ever seen. Shaggy dark hair that slipped over his eyes in the morning. A 27 year old paramedic from Toronto who always seemed to be in the right place at the right time... or the wrong place at the wrong time, depending how you look at it.Clarke Griffin is a strong willed 21 year old working as a bartender at The Bow and Arrow pub in Vancouver. Also a college dropout who's mother hasn't talked to her in 6 months for not following in 'Dr. Griffin' footsteps. A confident head on her shoulders always with a pleasant smile on her face.What happens when a paramedic and a bartender meet for the first time? Sounds like a bad joke. Read more to find out.





	1. Big Brother

**Author's Note:**

> Bellarke Modern AU  
> Something Just Like This - The Chainsmokers

"Big brother!" Octavia shouts, her arms wailing in the air as her feet carry her as fast as they can into Bellamy's arms. She was 20 now, and although she may be engaged and working as an intern at a veterinary hospital, seeing her big brother walk through those airport doors excited her just as much as Christmas morning.  Bellamy grasps her in his arms and she scrunches her nose as the curls of his hair tickle her face.

She squeezes him so tightly. "I missed you, O." His arms squeeze her back and then they both pull away from the embrace. He holds her chin in his hand, analyzing her face. She's gotten older and more mature. He hadn't seen her in 6 months and although she was and adult now, she was still growing. And was as perfect as ever. Somehow, he still seemed to visualize her as a little girl. "You look like mom. Got her eyes, her nose, everything."

She grins and the skin by her eyes crinkle. It's been six years since their mother died and although the thought of her hurts both their hearts equally, this is the highest compliment she could receive. Bellamy and Octavia's mother was by far one of the most beautiful woman to ever grace the earth. She had long dark hair that bounced when she walked and chocolate eyes that anyone could fall in love with. Octavia's smile still hadn't faltered and she grabs on to Bellamy's hand, "come meet Lincoln!!" The excitement bubbles over from inside her.

Octavia and Lincoln had been together for almost three years but if you were looking for exact timing Octavia could tell you. Exactly, on the nose, two years, seven months, and fifteen days. Bellamy had never had the chance to meet Lincoln. Octavia only ever saw her brother twice a year, and it was usually Octavia flying into Toronto due to Bellamy's physically and mentally demanding job. Being one of the best paramedics his station had was something he was proud of. With Lincoln owning his own local pub, The Bow and Arrow, he didn't have much time to leave the city.

Bellamy outstretched his right hand leaning slightly into Lincoln for a hand shake. "You've taken good care of her, thank you." He smiles, looking slightly to Octavia. A wide grin plastered amongst her face. Watching two of her favourite men interact was something she longed for since they started dating.

"I just worked with what you gave me." Lincoln laughs and Octavia jumps into his arms, plastering small kisses on his cheek. "Sometimes I wonder if she's part dog." He laughs, kissing her lips and hugging her tightly.

Bellamy chuckled, seeing his baby sister so happy was so comforting. Octavia and Bellamy had different dads, although never thought of each other as 'half siblings'. Octavia grew up with Bellamy and their mother and her father Marcus Kane. Unfortunately her parents were never married and separated shortly after her eighth birthday. Kane moved to Vancouver, where he was originally from and Octavia would visit him every summer and several different weeks throughout the year. Bellamy's father wasn't in the picture and he never had a strong male figure in his life to stand by. When their mother died in a car wreck, Octavia was only 14, Bellamy 21. He was in university, training to be a paramedic, living in residence, and due to this situation was forced to separate him from his little sister. Just like that, Kane came to Toronto, packed up Octavia and took her with him. It was the best thing for everyone and Kane was more than able to provide for her, but that didn't make it any easier.

Bellamy, Octavia and Lincoln picked up Bellamy's luggage before heading back to Lincoln's place. A nice apartment located inner city a few blocks from the pub. Octavia still technically lived with Niylah, a girl with a heart so soft that she even made baby blankets seem rough. They lived in the same building as Lincoln, however she spent more time at Lincoln's than her own. Bellamy would be staying in his guest bedroom for the duration of his visit. It had a nice view and lost of light. Something Octavia always loved. It was like walking into a breath of fresh air.

"Big bother!" Octavia called running into the guest bedroom and throwing herself onto the queen sized bed. "Lincoln wants to show you the pub, and meet the gang!"

"Lincoln? You sure about that?" Bellamy raises his eyebrow, a smirk sneaking across his lips.

"Okay..." she draws out, "maybe I had something to do with it." Octavia laughs and pops back up, grabbing onto Bellamy's arms and pulling him through the apartment. A puppy barks at their feet, thinking they were ready to play. "Don't mind Chewy!" She says before pushing both of them out the door.

~~~

"Wait, so how did you meet again?" Murphy, the sarcastic, kind of an asshole but you still love him, guy of the group, asks trying to dial back several years ago.

Raven sticks out her tongue and points to the back of her throat. Making a gagging noice before rolling her eyes. "Not  _this_ one again."

"Hey! Be nice Raven!" Harper, a smiley brunette girl slides down a rum and cola towards Bellamy. "This is a good one. A story of  _love_." Harper puts a hand to her heart and another to her forehead pretending to swoon.

"Good one? Yeah if you like those stupid chick flicks from  _Lifetime!_ " She pops a French fry in her mouth, secretly wanting to hear the story once more for herself. She said she hated it, but the truth is she longed for that kinda love. The  _soul mate_ kinda love. Something she just wasn't good at grasping onto.

They sat all across the bar, Bellamy beside Octavia, feeling completely and utterly out of place. He was the oldest there, except for Lincoln, while the others seemed to be close friends of Octavia's. Nothing really seemed to catch Bellamy's attention. This wasn't the crowd he usually seemed to hang around. He was more of a professional kinda guy. Suit and tie kind of events. Drinks with the boys at so-and-so's house. Or so-and-so's birthday party. Or some gala that someone's wife was throwing. Definitely not with  _kids_ who just drank for the sake of it.

"I was at this bar, totally a pub crawl, one I was definitely too young to be at and I was... I was mad drunk." Octavia starts laughing. She takes a swig of her beer and then continues. "The guy I was with, the  _he who shall not be named,_ totally ditched me. Whether it was intentional or not, I was young and drunk and alone and somehow found my way in the middle of a bar fight. I was stumbling around, trying to find my way out of this group of people and I must of looked lost, or something."

"Or  _something_?" Lincoln chimes in. "More like calling out for help with your arms reached above your head, drink in hand spilling it on everyone around you."

"Whatever." She snickers, scrunching her nose up. "He took my hand and got me out of that sticky situation, literally. I had recognized him from the apartment building so I trusted him and he walked me home. He really was my knight in shining armour." Octavia leans in, planting a kiss on his lips and Lincoln tackles her in his arms, causing a shriek. Everyone belts out with laughter. 

"Ugh, not this again." A beautiful blonde girl appears from the shadows of the bar. She ties her apron at her waist then pulling her hair up into a pony.

"This is why we're roommates!" Raven starts laughing and they point to each other making some kind of wink and hand slap coordination sequence.

Lincoln clears his throat, "late again, Clarke?" Everyone pears over to the blonde bartender, Harper snickering beside her.

"I left early, traffic was bad and-"

"You were trying to save the world again?" Harper bursts out and they erupt with laughter once again.

Murphy looks up at Clarke, "or was Niylah just really getting you going?" He rolls his eyes back and starts moaning.

"Shut up, Murphy" Clarke scowls. She doesn't hesitate, backhanding him in the shoulder making his entire body jerk.

Octavia clears her throat, "Clarke, this is my brother, Bellamy." She nudges Bellamy and he extends his hand. "Bellamy, this is Clarke. She's the best bartender in the city!"

Clarke extends her hand, sharing a smile. "Nice to meet you." Bellamy holds on to her hand for a moment longer than he usual would. Something between them clicks. It's like a switch was flicked. A light turned on. A connection made.

"She's also got a great ass!" Harper peeps up and Clarke releases her hold on Bellamy, her cheeks turning a vibrate shade of coral, even though she knows it's just a joke.

Bellamy chuckles as well, suddenly not feeling so left out of the group.


	2. Drinks

From the moment Bellamy and Clarke met each other's eyes in that dimly lit bar, they seemed to have some kind of unspoken connection. Or at least she seemed to fill all his thoughts. And suddenly he wasn't so miserable listening to these young kids make jokes. He was here for Octavia. Additionally, he wanted to know about Clarke. She definitely seemed like the most interesting person here, with layers to unfold and discover.

The rest of Octavia's friends were tipsy at the least. Harper had finished her shift and joined the group on the other side of the counter, ordering whatever mix of alcohols Clarke decided to stir up. John Murphy making snarky comments while Raven spilled over about the new programming going on at the office. Jasper taking drink after drink, just as quick as the next. Octavia cooing over her her fiancé as Lincoln sat proud of the life he was surrounded by. Miller complaining over how his boyfriend was acting closed off recently. And with every drink each of their words slurred more and more. Bellamy sat to the side while creating small talk with Clarke. "Are you the usually the only sober one?" The world begins to dial out behind him.

Clarke wipes down the counter, and moves the hairs that are falling out of her ponytail. "Only during the week. But hardly."

"You in school?" Clarke shakes her head. "Never went?"

She shrugs, beginning to pour another drink for one of her friends. "Dropout." Clarke beginning to lose interest in the conversation.

"For?" Bellamy sips at his rum and Coke.

"Med school." She's lost eye contact but he's trying to get her back. "Wasn't my thing, trying to save man kind."

"Not all superheroes wear capes." Bellamy states and she pauses, looks over and then continues on with her tasks.

"I call bullshit. The world is a fucked up game and we are just playing in it." He sat back slightly, not willing himself to say another word.

"You're just bitter." A new bartender slides in. Tall, long dark wavy hair and deep brown eyes with caramel like swirls. Bellamy sat up, finishing off his drink.

Clarke raised her eyebrow sending tension between the two. "No one asked you, Echo." She snarks.

Echo brushed past Clarke leaning slightly over the bar, closing the space between Bellamy and herself. She's captivated him so instantaneously that when she asks if he would like another drink he can hardly form words. Maybe it's the last of the alcohol hitting him. "Surprise me." He shrugs.

Clarke shoots a look over to the both of them as they begin to flirt. She didn't like Echo. Ever since high school they had practically been mortal enemies. Always wanting each other dead. Cat fight after cat fight. But somehow, always in the same friend group. And just because Bellamy rubbed her the wrong way, made Echo instantly attracted to him. Just another thing to piss Clarke off.

"Watch it. He's Octavia's brother." Clarke scoffed towards Echo, thinking this would turn her off. Instead did the exact opposite.

"Oh! A Blake?" Echo smirks, "I hear they're really good with their hands."

~~~

Bellamy sat on the leather couch of Lincolns apartment, eyeing the city view. Bellamy always loved the lights. It made him feel alive and the fact that each little light resembled someone was always so astonishing. What were they doing? Who were they? What was their story? Was his soulmate out there wondering the same thing? "So you've never been to Vancouver? Man, you're missing out."

"You've got a beautiful city." Bellamy nods.

"What holds you to Toronto?" Lincolns passes him a beer, sitting on the chair across from him. Bellamy ponders that for a moment, not able to come up with an immediate response. "Got a girl back home?"

"I  _had_ a girlfriend, but it wasn't serious. Nothing long lasting. Just a good time." Bellamy purses his lips together. Gina was nice, and kind, but she didn't give him that unconditional,  _I'll love you forever_  kind of love. "Honestly, Toronto is just where I'm from. It's all I know. I mean, I got a great job, it pays the bills."

Lincoln nods. "Before Octavia I thought love was some kind of joke. Like  _love_ was something people pretended they understood, that they had convinced themselves that, that was what it was." He stares off over the skyline. "I never thought I would meet anyone like her. And then there she was, right under my nose. All of a sudden. Out of nowhere, I knew exactly what love was. I knew it was real."

"Thank you for taking care of her." Bellamy says, "when she moved out here... I worried about her every day and every night. I knew Kane would take care of her, but once she was out of his hands I had no idea what would happen."

Lincoln laughs, "she's a wild one. But she's the one who takes care of me. She's strong. She has you to thank for that." Bellamy nods slowly. "Why don't you move out here?" Again, he shrugs. "It's never too late. Octavia would love it."

"Maybe one day."

Octavia waltz's through the room, pj bottoms riding at her hips and she sulks her way into Lincolns lap. "Hate to interrupt but I'm exhausted. All the excitement has me beat." She twirls the engagement ring around her finger.

"That's my cue." Bellamy chuckles, rising to his feet and finding his way to his room.

"Oh, and Bellamy!" Octavia called. He turns around, an eyebrow raised. "I invited Echo tomorrow." A smile tugs along his lips. 

~~~

_The next morning_

Clarke moaned from under the sheets, the light from the sun creeping in through the window. She pulled the sheets over her head, hiding away from the day that was approaching. "Good morning, princess" Niylah says, walking in the bedroom, sitting on the edge of her bed. "Early riser today, are we?"

Clarke peaks out from under the blankets and moans out a, "what time is it?"

"9am." Niylah leans down, kissing her forehead. "What are your plans for today?" Her voice is calming and serene, something clarke loved most about her.

Clarke slithers underneath the comfort of the covers, stretching, sitting up and pulling her knees to her chest. "Don't know, you?"

"Octavia wants us to meet her at the park, I told her you were still sleeping but I'm sure you'd be up for it."

"Is her brother going to be there?" Clarke rolls her eyes when Niylah gives her the look of  _what do you think? "_ He rubbed me the wrong way. Asking why I dropped out of school... just not his place." Clarke hated when people tried to crack her surface. She hated any kind of human contact. "Not to mention Echo was drooling all over him."

Niylah took her hand. "Don't worry about what others think. This is your life and not theirs. I'll be there with you, the entire time." The smile on her face comforted Clarke slightly.

Their relationship was special, Clarke and Niylah. They seem to always understand each other with any words hardly exchanged. Niylah was calming and understanding and it really helped Clarke with her fast pacing life. She always seemed to have something going on, but nonetheless Niylah was there to help her feel better. They both knew they weren't a forever thing, that their relationship wouldn't end up in marriage or children or anything like that, but for the time being it was comfortable. It was nice for someone to be there, no strings attached.

Six months ago, Clarke dropped out of med school. And the moment her mother found out, she didn't hesitate to cut her off. Her mother wouldn't even give her the money that her dad left her until she found a way back into her classes. It hurt Clarke, mentally and emotionally, to the point where it hit her physically. She didn't wanna get out bed. Niylah held her through it, did not judge her, and made her room hers until she moved in with Raven. They had an unspoken love for each other.

~~~

Bellamy was reluctant to spend time with his sisters friend's, but whatever made her happy is what he was going to do. Octavia loved the outdoors, even as a child she would always choose to go outside rather than sit infront of the television. She wanted more than the closed in walls. She yearned for open spaces and her favourite past time was bareback riding with her mother. Her eyes as green as the grass that her toes wiggled through. Their mother always said she was born straight from the earth. Mother natures very own miracle.

From the moment she was born, Bellamy promised himself that he would see the best for Octavia. That she was his sister, his responsibility. And to this day, if Octavia needed anything, he would do it at the drop on a hat. No questions asked.  _His sister. His responsibility._ She was an adult now, engaged, soon to be married and bear a family. She was suddenly walking into a whole new world of different responsibilities, and so was Lincoln. With a girl like that, he had his work cut out for him.

Octavia sat proudly on Lincoln's back as he carried her around the park. Niylah and Clarke arrived as well but showed no physical attention to each other. Harper tagged along with her boyfriend, Monty in tow. "Where are we even going?" Murphy said rolling his eyes.

"Always complaining, typical Murphy." Clarke leans over to Harper and they both snicker under their breath.

"Like you're any better, Miss  _the world is out to get me!_ " Murphy slams back.

Clarke lips her suddenly dry lips, "thanks for the reminder."

"How long have you guys known each other?" Bellamy asks, peering upon Octavia and her friends.

Octavia jumps down from Lincolns back. "I've known Harper the longest, we went on a hiking trip with school. Then I met Clarke through Harper. Monty is dating Harper and that's how we met Raven, they work together. Jasper is like Monty's brother. Niylah is my coworker and Murphy is her brother. Ya know it just kinda ran through the line."

"You didn't forget about me, did you?" Echo runs up behind Octavia and everyone rolls their eyes slightly. Everyone seemed to have a common feeling when Echo entered the room, or in this case, the park. She was always ready to fight, never back down. Octavia didn't mind her but they had a rough past.

"Oh Echo, how could I forget? Tortured me every chance you had on that hiking trip, including putting shampoo in my sunscreen bottle." Octavia actually laughs about it now. "It was clever, though."

Echo wraps her arms around Octavia from behind and smuggles her into a hug. Clarke looked away and Niylah brushes her hand against hers for moral support, just to met her know she was there. Clarke doesn't flinch. "Not to mention Lincoln is my cousin. So you're stuck with me, fam jam." Echo kisses her cheek and Octavia laughs, pushing her away.

"This Blake is taken, Echo!" She squeals and everyone begins to chuckle while echo winks in Bellamy's direction. A smile tugged at her lips. Bellamy's cheeks flush a light pink but you can hardly tell due to his beautiful sunkissed completion.

Clarke sighs, a pathetic laugh jumps from her lips.


	3. Cockroach

Echo wasn't scared to show interest. She was one of those people, who placed everything out on the table. She wasn't hiding anything, certainly not her attraction to Bellamy. She was one of those girls, you loved her, or you hated her. There was no in between. And by the looks of it, Bellamy wasn't hating her just yet.

Octavia was in complete heaven. She was with her friends and her fiancé and her brother. Everything she could've ever wanted was around. Octavia's phone buzzed from the inside of her jean shorts, wiggling it out. "Daddy wants us over for dinner, Bell!" She smiles, this day was just getting better.

He looks over, and managed a smile. It was soft and definitely something he was faking. Him and Kane got along. But to be honest, it killed Bellamy. Seeing him was a horrible reminder of his childhood. Bellamy never knew his dad, and his mother claimed she didn't know who he was, either. Growing up without a father impacted him in ways he really couldn't explain. When Kane and his mother started dating, Bellamy was only 5 years old, and he was the closest thing to a father he had ever known. He immediately became dependant on Kane and clung to him so tightly that sometimes his fingertips would turn white. He was a nurturing fellow, and had a soft spot when it came to Bellamy. When Octavia was born they grew as a family and not only in numbers. Emotionally and mentally the four of them had a bond that seemed unbreakable.

But nothing is perfect, and eight years later Bellamy would learn that. When Kane and his mother separated he had no idea that he would not only lose his family unit, but his father all together. The first few times Octavia went to visit, so did Bellamy. But eventually he became unwelcome. He wasn't sent birthday cards or Christmas presents. Slowly, it was like Kane forgot he existed. Sure, Bellamy wasn't his responsibility, but he thought he was more than just something to look out for when it was convenient. He hadn't seen him in... god, must've been 4 years now. Bellamy wondered if he could even remember what he looked like.

"You don't seem too enthused." Echo nudged Bellamy as the two of them began to walk slightly farther from the side of the group. Bellamy shrugged. "Don't like Kane? How? Everyone loves Kane!"

"He's Octavia's dad, not mine." He says bluntly, looking straight ahead on the path, farther and farther into greenery.

"Well you're certainly not as happy go lucky as Octavia, that's for sure." She rolls her eyes but he says nothing to her sassy remark. She furrows her eyebrows. "Between you and me, you're definitely the more interesting one."

Bellamy cracks a smile, "oh yeah? Oh so?"

"Because you're going to get drinks with me tomorrow night." Seemlessly, Echo linkers her arms around his.

"Am I?" A laugh parts his lips. "Says who?"

"Says me. Bow and Arrow, tomorrow night. 8pm. Just us."

"What makes you think i want to?"

Echo shakes her head slightly, giggling underneath her breath. She pins a kiss right to his lips. Quick enough so no one realizes. "Because that's nothing."

Echo was seductive and beautiful all at once. She was a badass in low rise jeans and a halter top hugging her waist. She was much more than the girls at home, much more brave and forward. He wasn't sure if that's what it was, that made him more attracted to her.

The group continued on until they stopped at a ice cream kiosk. Octavia jumping up and down as if she were a child. Clarke was noticeably quiet today, and Murphy began to give her a hard time. "Not much to say today, Wonder Woman?" He pokes at her shoulder while they stand in line. "Any chance to save the world? Or did you give up on that too."

"Cockroach, leave her alone." Raven huffs, rolling her eyes, tightly crossing her arms at her chest.

"Said the Raven." The group of friends snicker under their breath. Ravens cheeks flush a red undertone as if she were embarrassed, but she's not. He just had that affect on her. Murphy tightly grabs Clarke's shoulder and she purses her lips together, rolling her eyes accordingly. "Cat got your tongue? Or should I say Niylah got your tongue?"

The group of friends hush a light laughter but Bellamy and Echo are too busy talking to notice. "Shut up Murphy." Niylah huffs, pushing her brother back.

He puts his hands up in defence, cowering like a child, only to regain his composure and stand right back up. "Shut up? That's the best you got?"

"Murphy...." she warns, her voice getting tense. Niylah wasn't one for confrontation but when it came to her brother, her filter was diminished. "Shut up."

"We all know you're sleeping together, it's fine. No need to hide it if you're in love." He throws air quotes and now Clarke is getting upset. The skin under her eyes a splotchy shade of red, as if she were about to cry. The group runs even more quiet, as if they thought it wasn't possible. Now holding the attention of both Bellamy and Echo as well.

Niylah stands silent, as if willing herself to speak but she can't. "Just because you're a miserable son of bitch doesn't mean you have to drag people down with you." Clarke stares down Murphy just waiting for him to say another word. She can't look at Niylah and it's good that she doesn't. Her eyes are wide, and although it's true, she didn't expect her to say it. After all, he was her brother.

"Clarke..." Niylah mumbles, reaching for her hand to pull her away. Clarke doesn't take it, instead slaps it away.

"All of you seem to think you know about my life. You seem to think you run it, or some bullshit! You think you know what I'm going through! But you have no idea." She looks every single person in the eyes. They've turned cold.

Even Harper, her best friend stands as still as a statue. Her hand wrapped around Monty's so tightly that she can't feel her fingers . The crowd stands still and everyone waits for Clarke's next move. "It was a joke." Murphy scoffs, rolling his eyes. This ticks Clarke off even more and she pushes him back at his shoulders.

Lincoln goes to jump in and Octavia holds him back. "Let them work it out."

"You don't know shit about my life." Clarke's teeth grind.

"I know you're scissoring my sister." He shrugs. Murphy really doesn't care what Niylah does with her time, but seeing Clarke so worked up made him laugh.

"Fuck you." Clarke pushed him back so forcefully that he actually falls two steps back. Niylah has her back turned, completely embarrassed of what her brother and Clarke have created in a public space.

Murphy comes closer to Clarke, "that's all you got, Supergirl?"

Bellamy looks to Echo, who is totally into the cat fight that Clarke is putting up. She almost looks impressed. "Should I stop them?" Echo shakes her head, pointing to Raven.

Raven can see the fire that's brewing and makes eye contact with Echo, quickly stepping in. "Clarke, just ignore him. He's a cockroach. It's what he does."

"Why are you defending him?" She blurts out. "He almost killed you. Are you forgetting that the reason you're partly crippled is because of him? He was drunk driving, Raven. He lied and he caused that accident. You almost died."

Raven grabs on to Clarke's hands. "This isn't about that. Just drop it, Clarke. Please? For me?"

Clarke shakes her head and she scrunches her nose. Tears slowly welling in her eyes. "You all think you know what I'm going through. You all think you understand. You seem to think you know what I'm feeling and when I'm feeling it. But to be honest, it couldn't be more of the opposite." Clarke scans the group offer friends. "Lexa died. And you all seem to forget about her, forget she existed. You were her friends." Her nose tingles and a tear escapes from her eyes.

"We moved on, Clarke. We can't just wallow in pity the rest of our lives." Murphy shakes his head but no one says anything else.

"I'm not wallowing. I'm grieving. " She grits her teeth. "I can't save the world. I can't pretend nothing is wrong when it so clearly is. I'm not Wonder Woman, my skin isn't made out of steel. You forget that sometimes, don't you?" She swallows hard looking around to each one of her friends. Clarke catches a glimpse of Bellamy standing in the back, he looks empathetic which fuels her fire more. She turns to face Niylah that is so clearly hurt, but can't help but put her hand out for support.

No one can look Clarke in the eyes at this point. Not even Harper, not Octavia. None of them. Her heart breaks even more. They knew they were wrong but they couldn't own up to their mistakes. Murphy was a jerk, but he didn't want to hurt anyone. Especially one of his friends. As much as he liked to torment Clarke, making her feel so low was certainly not his intention. "We're gonna go." Niylah says softly, her voice cracking slightly. Clarke nods and they begin to walk off. No one fighting for them to stay. No one saying a single word. They knew they were in the wrong. No one wanted to admit it.

~~~

"I can't.... I can't... can't do this..." Clarke cried in Niylah's arms the moment they stepped foot in the apartment. "I'm sick of acting like I'm okay."

Niylah rubs her back, soothing her slightly. Lexa and Clarke had been dating for 3 months, when suddenly, she was caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. She was shot at a bar fight, downtown. All because Clarke had begged her to come with. Clarke had done everything she learned in med school to try and mend her bleeding out girlfriend until the paramedics got there, but within moments she was lifeless. She bled out on the cold pavement of a bar scene. Wrong place. Wrong time. And although their friends mourned, and it was hard on them, Clarke took it the hardest. She watched her girlfriend die and couldn't help but blame herself.

"Lexa wouldn't want you to feel this way." Niylah swallows harshly, hoping it's an alright thing to say.

Clarke pulls away, her lips in a frown and her nose scrunched up. "Maybe she wouldn't. But maybe that's what I deserve."

Niylah grabs her cheeks rising her view, "never say that again. We all have baggage. Lexa was an incredible person, but you cannot stop your life because of her. I know it's taken it's toll on you, but it hurts to watch you in this much pain."

Clarke shakes her head, pushing away Niylah she hands from her face. "And I can't bring you down with me."

Niylah's heart stops, "I don't understand."

Clarke licks her dry lips and chews on the inside of her mouth. Her heart sinks into her chest, suddenly heavier than ever. Pressure weighs down on her shoulder and she takes a step back. "I refuse to let you become the punching bag of my secondhand mistakes. We can't do this anymore."

"Clarke..." she whispers, tears coming up in her eyes. "Please don't..."

"We know this wasn't forever. And we will always be friends, but for now, we need time."

Niylah shakes her head vigorously, her lips pursed so tightly. "Nope. You're not doing this."

"Don't make it any harder." She stumbles back, picking her purse up from off the ground. "I'm sorry." And like that, Clarke slips out of the door, locking it in place, tears immediately falling down her cheeks. Each step is as heavy as the next. Like she's dragging cement bricks along her feet.

Clarke finds her own apartment a few floors down. But it's not home. Niylah was her safe space, dare she say it, home. She was the one who comforted her in a time like this. But she couldn't let her be a punching bag any longer.


	4. Preservation

"Why are you so nervous?" Octavia laughs, peering at her brother in the backseat through the visor mirror. She swivels in her chair smiling back at him.

"I haven't seen him in years, O." Bellamy raises an eyebrow.

"But it's Kane, it's  _dad!"_  Lincoln grabs onto Octavia's knee and whispers for her to put on her seatbelt, pointing ahead at police cars.

"He's your dad, O. Not mine." The jeep runs quiet except for the hum of the engine. Bellamy's phone goes off and he looks at the screen. It was Echo.

_Don't stress it, sexy._

Bellamy chuckles, sliding his phone back into his pocket. "Oh my god!" Octavia screams and Lincoln doesn't hesitate to step on the break, making everyone jump. 

"Damnit, Octavia!" Lincoln laughs shaking his head and she grabs onto his hand.

She swallows hard. "Clarke left Niylah and then didn't show up for her shift!"

"Left?" Lincoln drops an eyebrow. "Like left her place? Where is Clarke? Who is at the pub?"

"Harper. She says she can stay but she's worried about Clarke, she was supposed to be there at 6, it's almost 7."

Bellamy can sense the aggression but also worry that his sister and her boyfriend were enduring. "Has anyone talked to Niylah?"

"I'm calling Raven right now to see if she knows anything." O picks up the phone placing it to her ear, tapping her foot against the bottom of the vehicle. "Come on Raven... pick up. Please..." It rings with no answer and she calls back again, worry rising in her.

" _Hello? O?"_ Raven answers on the fourth ring, laughing on the other end.

"Are you home? Is Clarke there?" Lincoln turns down the radio.

_"Ummm, I'm not home right now. Why what's going on?"_

"She didn't show up for work."

" _Shes probably just late, you know Clar-"_

"An hour late?"

The line goes dull, " _I'll run home and see if she's there. Did you call Niylah?"_

Octavia takes a deep breath. "She left her."

" _For fuck sakes Murphy! This is your fault. Okay, O, I'll go home and see what's going on. Murphy will check on Niylah."_

"You're with Murphy?" Octavia scoffs.

_"No, well, ya, but it's not what you think. I'm explain later."_

Octavia rolls her eyes, snickering. "Just text me if you find anything out." The line goes dead. Lincoln turns off the road, and Octavia grabs his arm. "This isn't the way to dads."

"I gotta go to the pub, you gotta find Clarke. She's our friend."

Her chest rises and falls, "but... dad." She knew the right thing was to go look after the pub and find Clarke but she also knew that she wouldn't get Bellamy back to her dads. "Please?"

Lincoln looks to Octavia and the look in her eyes makes him melt. "Harper can stay at the pub?" Octavia nods. "And Raven is looking for Clarke?" She nods again. "Okay, but if she isn't found within an hour, we need to head back home."

~~~

Raven takes hold of Murphy's hand as they walk up the front of her apartment building. She kisses him quickly. "Figure out what happened and I'll start looking for Clarke."

"Wait." Murphy pulls her back, and she stumbles into his arms. He sets his fingers along her jaw line and presses his lips softly into hers. "When are we going to tell them?"

Raven kisses him again. "Don't you like having our own little secret?" She smirks and he chuckles.

"They're our friends, Raven." He lets out a harsh sigh.

She wraps her arms around his neck and kisses him one last time. "They're our friends.  _Clarke_  is our friend. We gotta find her. Let's worry about this later." He nods, letting her go, and they set off in separate directions.

Raven makes her way to their floor and rapidly knocks at the door, searching for her key in her purse. "Clarke! Are you home?" Her knuckles begin to sting. She finally finds the key, quickly scurrying through the door. The apartment looks untouched. And it's unusually quiet, making Raven feel extremely uneasy.

The sunset fills their apartment with oranges and pinks reflecting off the white walls. Raven kicks off her shoes, taking in the beautiful view, but quickly moving on. "Clarke?" She calls out. "Are you home? You're late for work. Everyone is worried about you." She peers in Clarke's room, it's untouched like it has been for the past few days. Her duvet pinned down as if she had just crawled out of it. A pair of cotton pj shorts sitting at the edge, ready to fall off if the blankets were touched. Ravens room is empty as well, following their tv room, and even their balcony. It's empty. "God damnit." She huffs, tossing her purse to the counter top. Raven slides into the bathroom and turns on the light, taken back by what she sees.

Clark sits there. Knees pulled tightly to her chest. Her nose buried between her kneecaps. Hair fallen around her face. Her fingertips imprinting intensely against her skin. "Clarke?" Raven whispers, her voice week. Raven falls to her knees pulling Clarke's head up. She's drowsy and Raven frantically looks around. A bottle of pills sits beside her, empty. Her antidepressants. "Clarke what did you do."  She cries and taps the side of her face until her eyes crack open.

Clarke pushes her off, "go away."

"Clarke, everyone is worried sick!" Raven tried to help Clarke up but she's stubborn and works against her.

Raven pulls out her phone, diallingJackson, requesting his immediate assistance and within 5 minutes he's there, fighting with Clarke even more so. Raven paces back and forth sending texts to the group chat.

_Clarke is here._

_She took all her pills._

_Jackson said she'll be fine._

_There wasn't enough to hurt her._

_I'll watch her._

Murphy runs down the stairs with his sister in tow. Even if Clarke just told her that last thing she wanted to hear, she wasn't going to let her bear this pain alone. Murphy barges through the door and grabs onto Raven, she buried her face into his chest, tears falling from her eyes. "It scared the shit out of me, Murphy. I've never seen her so pale." He kisses the top of her head lightly and holds her tightly.

Niylah runs over to the couch where Clarke is sitting. Blanket wrapped around her while Jackson tries to get her to drink some water. They switch places and Niylah is now sitting beside Clarke, unsure and scared to touch her. "Clarke." She whispers but Clarke looks straight ahead as if totally invested in a tv show, but the screen is black. "Clarke?" She says a little louder. "What did you do?"

She looks to Niylah, her eyes are red and splotchy. She had been crying, and Clarke knew that. She didn't want to hurt her, but it seemed like everything Clarke touched began to crumble. "I'm sorry." Her voice is so soft and dry, like the pills were still stuck to the back of her throat.

Niylah shakes her head, holding Clarke's hand tightly in both of hers. "Don't be sorry, just don't be stupid."

"You need to leave." She sighs, looking back towards the black screen.

A tear falls from Niylah's eye as she bears through her teeth. "I'm not leaving you alone."

Clarke swallows harshly, and dry. Tears fill her eyes and she falls into Niylah's arms. As much as she wanted her to go, she also wanted her here. She needed that comfort whether she liked it or not. And Niylah was going to offer it whether she liked it or not.

~~~

Bellamy, Octavia and Lincoln all sat around the dinner table with Kane and his girlfriend Abby. He had a fairly extravagant life. Worked as at the Mayors office as one of his highest officials. His girlfriend was the lead surgeon at the biggest hospital in the city. Together for the last five months, they lived quite comfortably, in the house that Octavia spent her adolescent years in. "You're an incredible cook Abby!" Lincoln says, scooping a bite of mash potatoes into his mouth. 

"Yeah, if you like your meal partially preserved." Octavia mumbles, and Lincoln kicks her foot under the table, trying not to laugh. Acting like small teenagers so madly in love. And although Lincoln didn't have to work for his approval, he did anyway, proving his love time and time again.

Bellamy loved seeing Octavia so happy but it also seemed to make it too real for him. That his baby sister found the love of her life, while he was still alone. Maybe love just wasn't in his cards. Maybe he wasn't ever going to find his fairytale ending. The entire dinner was quite awkward for Bellamy. Kane didn't talk to him directly, not once. And every time they made eye contact it was like he saw right through him. As if he was meeting a stranger, like they had no history.

How could someone just... forget their child existed. Blood or not blood. He was the only father he knew... for eight years. He got up and left. Just like that. Leaving Bellamy and all of their memories behind. As much as he wanted to pretend that it didn't matter, it so clearly did.

"Thanks so much for everything, dad!" Octavia squeezes Kane tightly that it's Abby hugs Lincoln. Bellamy stands to the side.

"Anything for my little girl." He kisses her forehead and they begin to walk out, exchanging one last good bye. Kane grabs on to Bellamy's arm. "I'd like to talk to you for a minute."

Bellamy steps back inside. "Yeah?"

"I feel badly for what I did all those years ago. I'd like to make it up to you, and pay off your student loans." He pulls out his chequebook, ready to write whatever amount is needed.

Bellamy chuckles, pathetically. This is the most he had said to him on years and now suddenly he's offering up cash. "I'm good thanks." He shoves his hands in his jean pockets, stepping backwards.

"Come on, Bellamy. It's not cheap, and living in Toronto doesn't make it any cheaper."

"I don't take hand outs. And for the record, I'm paid off. Thanks though." Bellamy scoffs walking away, slamming the door behind him. He slides into the back of Lincolns jeep, his arms crossed chewing on the corner of his cheek.

"Bell! What happened?" Octavia spins around shining the interior light.

"Nothing. It's fine. We're good." He huffs and Octavia looks to Lincoln, buckling herself in and turning the light off.


	5. Nothing Serious

Clarke walks behind the bar, tying her apron around her waist. It's been just over 24 hours since Clarke was crying on the bathroom floor, knees tucked to chest. More vulnerable than she's ever been.  But she's acting like it never happened. Like  _yesterday_ never happened. When Clarke walked into work Harper was in tears and somehow... Clarke laughed. Brushing it off, stating it was 'no big deal' and that she loved her for caring so much. "Are you okay?" Harper grabs at her hand and Clarke laughs, a smile spread wide across her lips.

"Of course." She shrugs, "now get out of here hot stuff, Monty is waiting!" She slaps her friends butt and Harper furrows her eyebrows.

"You're not... are you.... are you sure you're okay?"

Clarke rolls her eyes, dragging a rag across the counter, offering a gentlemen a refill. "Harper. I'm fine. Promise." She moves by her and they rub shoulders. Harper crosses her arms, clearly worried. This was Clarke running from her problems, she shouldn't be at work. She should be at home. She was not mentally stable. The way she was acting at this moment just proved it further. Clarke catches a glimpse of Echo in the corner of the bar. She rolls her eyes and the fake laugh that Echo is so clearly dropping off. "She's brought a new victim to her lair."

"Clarke, that's Bellamy. They've been here for almost two hours."

"Doing what?" Clarke scoffs, not able to take her eye off of the two tipsy idiots in the corner. "Echo is just leading him into a trap, as per Echo-usual."

Harper shakes her head. "I don't think so. She seems to genuinely like him."

Clarke laughs, and it comes out louder than anticipated. "Like him? Doubt it! He's a hot, older guy, with big muscles, she's not here to learn what his favourite colour is."

"Why do you care so much?" Harper can sense something brewing and it's more than just her hatred for her high school enemy.

Clarke rolls her eyes. "I don't  _care._ It's just... it's Echo, and anyone who falls into her trap, I genuinely feel bad."

"I thought you didn't like Bellamy." Harper smirks, leaning against the edge of the bar. She knew Clarke well, and this wasn't just Clarke and Echo having their differences. And this wasn't anything about a boy falling into Echo's trap. This was much more than that. It was the thought of everyone around her falling in love, finding happiness. And somehow, Clarke was still left out of her own friend group. Everyone had someone. And although Clarke did have Niylah, last night just went to prove that their love wasn't one of the fairytale endings. And everyone knew that. Including Niylah and including Clarke.

"I don't know Bellamy. But hey, if he wants to screw around with Echo then all the power to him." She throws her hands in the air, playfully surrendering.

Harper hugs Clarke goodbye and although she's concerned, she knew Clarke would be fine. She was one of the strongest and resilient women she knew. Continuously proving it to her time and time again. It was almost like on cue, that the moment Harper left, so did Echo and Bellamy. She had her fingers wrapped in between his as she held herself so closely to him.

They were heading back to her place, where she lived with her step brother, Roan. A busy guy who was hardly home, which for Echo, was exactly what she wanted. Echo lived in a different apartment as the others but was luckily only a little walk. For the two of them, tipsy and laughing underneath the streetlights on this early Friday night. Bellamy had been with other women back home, sultry and sexy women, just like Echo. She walked him into her place, their fingertips still linked and the moment the door shut behind them, they were all over each other.

Clothing urgently removed as they moved to her bedroom. Their skin pushed against each other. Their lips in a battle of the sexes, who would be victorious? Echo pushed him onto the bed and smiled overtop of him, her fingers trailing along his chest.

~~~

Bellamy crawls out of the bed beside Echo, picking up his boxers from the ground and sliding them on. The drowsy girl beside him, reaches her arm out, a smile sitting softly at her lips. "Going so soon?" She says groggily.

Bellamy assumed she was asleep so when he turns around to see her, he picks up a smile. "Gotta get back, O will be suspicious." Echo chuckles, grabbing onto his hand and closing her eyes. Bellamy, slides his hand away from hers. "This was fun."

She sits up in bed, wearing Bellamy's shirt. "You don't have to go yet." Echo pulls back her bottom lip, teeth imprinting her skin.

He nods, squinting slight, "but I do."  She looks beautiful and sexy and although staying here going for another round sounds like an incredible idea, he knows it's not right.  "I'm not looking for anything serious right now." He lets go of her hand.

"Neither am I." Her voice is low and seductive. Bellamy shakes his head, gathering his jeans from the floor and then pulling them up. He has an incredible body and Echo can't keep her eyes off of him. Already, she was craving his touch and the warmth of his body around her. In the moonlight he looked even more beautiful, which she thought was most certainly impossible.

"Can I have my shirt back?" Their eyes latch onto each other, neither of them breaking the quiet connection.

Echo slowly sinks back into the bed, "you're going to have to come get it."  
  


Back at home, Octavia slouches into Lincoln. One of his hands around her, the other in the popcorn dish. A scary movie playing on the flatscreen. Octavia used to live for the nightlife, until she met Lincoln. Spending time with him was what she liked the most, and needed nothing more than his company. "What makes you so sure Bellamy and Echo are going to hit it off. She just doesn't seem like this type."

Octavia rolls her eyes, popping a handful of popcorn into her mouth. "Bellamy wouldn't know his type if it hit him in the face."

Lincoln chuckles. "Echo is out for a good time. She's not here for a relationship. You know that. She doesn't... excel in that area."

"Neither is Bell. He's been too uptight. This will loosen him up!" She laughs, snuggling into Lincoln further. The front door creeps open and the lights from the apartment hall light up the living room. Bellamy strolls in, his sweater zipped up due to Echo not letting go of his shirt. "Home so soon?" Octavia sits up noticing his hair is disheveled, a smile wiped smoothly across his lips. He ignores his sister, chuckling to himself and finding his way to the guest room.

~~~

After a long shift at the pub, full of drunken idiots and much too loud of people, Clarke heads home, her head pounding. Usually on nights like this, Clarke would go up to Niylah's apartment, slip in her own key and slide into bed with Niylah. Wrapping her arms around her and narrowing her nose into the crook of her neck. But after last night, she couldn't bring herself to do it. Instead, Clarke went to her own place. The home at which she shared with Raven. At this hour, she would be sleeping, ready to wake up in only a few hours to meet her demanding 9-5 job.

Clarke pushes open the door, sliding into the darkened apartment. The latch clicks behind her and she drags her feet to her bedroom. Clarke kicks off her heals and slips into only a baggy t-shirt and her boyshorts.

"Not going to say hello?" A voice catches Clarke off guard, almost sending her through the ceiling.

Niylah lies half asleep under the covers. "What the fuck!" Clarke hollers, realizing what time it is and quickly brings her voice down. "What are you doing here?"

"I know you too well, Clarke." Niylah moves the covers down and pats the open space beside her.

Clarke crosses her arms. "You shouldn't be here. Go home." Her voice is cruel but they both know she doesn't mean it. Niylah stays silent and Clarke gives in, crawling into the bed beside her.

Niylah wraps her arm around Clarke's waist. Clarke's arm grabs on to her tightly. "Talk to me, Clarke." She imprints her lips to Clarke's shoulder.

"I miss her." Clarke voice breaks, a tear rolling down her cheek. And although Niylah's body was pressed right against her, she couldn't have felt more alone in that moment. "She didn't deserve to die."

"Does anyone?" Niylah whispers.

Clarke licks her chapped lips. "I never thought of a future until I met her. She was my  _soulmate."_

"You can have more than one soulmate Clarke. In lovers, in friends, in family."

Clarke takes a deep breath. "My family won't talk to me. My 'friends' pick on me every chance they get. In a world full of people, I seem to be more lonely than I've ever been."

Clarke lies stilly, while Niylah moves the hair out of her eyes and tucks them behind her ear. She kisses the back of her neck tenderly. "Just relax, try to get some rest."

As much as Clarke wanted to take her advice. And just relax. Forget that the world was crumbling around her day after day after day. But instead she lay still as a board, her heart aching with such grief. It wasn't just about Lexa. It was about everything. It was about losing her mother when she needed her the most. It was losing her sanity day by day, on the brink of completely and totally breaking, unless maybe she had already. Why couldn't she be normal, like any one of her other friends. Was she not capable of love? Happiness? Was her sole purpose to be miserable? A bartender with a little too much of an attitude.

Maybe.

Maybe that's all she was.

A tear creeps from the corner of Clarke's eye, she wipes it away quickly praying Niylah won't sense her uneasy urgency.

Tomorrow was Octavia and Lincoln's engagement party. Clarke would have to sit through the night of her friends laughing, enjoying themselves. Celebrating the love that the happy couple had for each other. The pressure already breathing down Clarke's neck heavily.


	6. Salvation

Lincoln had rented out the private event area of the bar, Polis, where him and Octavia officially met for the first time. Although the memory of a little too tipsy Octavia came into play, that night changed them both for the better.

Everyone was dressed up, Octavia in a white sparkly dress while Lincoln wore a dress shirt and jeans. Each one of them dressed up enough to make each person in the room double take.

"Hey sexy!" Echo calls, making her entrance known by everyone in the room. She walks up to Bellamy, her heels clicking on the floor beneath her.

Clarke rolls her eyes and Harper hits her in the arm. "Come on you  _know_ she looks hot."

She snickers. "If you call a rodent in Jimmy Choo's hot then.... sure. Why not." Harper chokes on her martini.

They watch as Echo makes her way over to Bellamy, running her hand along his chest and planting a kiss on his cheek. "Oh they totally hooked up!" Harper bites down on the straw of her drink.

Clarke shoots Harper a look. "Why would you say that?"

Harper laughs feeling the jealously radiating off of Clarke like an MRI. "She's all over him like a little puppy, they definitely hooked up. Echo's got  _the look."_ Clarke bites down on the inside of her mouth so harshly she begins to draw blood. Jealousy poisoning the taste in her mouth. Bellamy has a smile tugging at the corner of his lips which angered her slightly. "Where is Niylah?" Harper looks around.

Clarke shrugs, "she's coming later, after her shift. What about Monty?"

"Oh he's around here somewhere. Probably trying to find Jasper a new lady friend." She spots him walking up to them. "As if on cue!" She laughs and kisses Monty as a greeting.

"Hey baby, hey Clarke." Monty smiles and Jasper gives them both a wave, already down half a beer.

"I'd like to make a toast!" Lincoln grabs a glass of champagne and starts to tap it lightly with a spoon. The room gravitates towards them, all attention on just the two of them. Octavia looking up at Lincoln adoringly, her arms wrapped around his waist. "I never understood what love was. I never thought it was real, I didn't understand the big fuss. And then I met you." He kisses the top of Octavia's head as she buries herself into his chest, giggling. He was addressing the whole room, but couldn't take his eyes off of her. "You are by far the epitome of love, perfection and grace. I'm just so thankful that I get to call you mine, forever." A tear falls down Octavia's cheek and he wipes it away as they look to each other, giddy like small children. "I would also like to thank Polis, and although it just happened to be a random encounter that set us off, I couldn't be more thankful for this place. For, without that night, who knew if I would ever have the guts to actually talk to the most prettiest girl in the world." Their lips meet and everyone hoots and hollers, clinking their glasses and drinking. Flashes from cell phone cameras going off.

Bellamy takes to the front of the room, after hugging his sister tightly. He clears his throat, looking out into the sea of Octavia'a friends. "Hello everyone." He mumbles and then clears his throat. "I don't know all of you. But my name is Bellamy, I'm Octavia's older brother." A few girls in the group whistle, ones Bellamy hasn't had the pleasure of meeting yet. "Growing up, my sister was my pride and joy. She was my everything. And when we were separated after our mother died, I felt like I was letting her down, because I couldn't protect her and watch over her. Not seeing her as much as I wanted. I wasn't able to scare boys off when they came banging on her door. But I can see now that I didn't need to protect her. She was more than capable of protecting herself. And since she's been with Lincoln, I can tell, she's never been happier." By this time he's staring right at Octavia, as happy tears pour down her cheeks like a leaky fountain. "Now I don't know much about love, but I can tell, only being around the two of you for a few days, there is an unbreakable bond. I hope one day I'll find that. One day I'll find that fairytale ending that you have. And I hope everyone can." Everyone clinics glasses and from the corner of Bellamy's eye he sees blonde hair swaying through the crowed, a shimmery black dress flowing, rushing to the exist. Clarke. "But then again, Blakes' do it better." The group of friends laugh and Bellamy switches spots with Nyko, a close friend of Lincoln's.

Bellamy pushes his way through the crowed thanking everyone for welcoming him as he's doing so. The brisk night air hits Bellamy as he opens the front door to the bar. The sky is a navy blue colour with twinkling lights shining through thanks to the downtown core. He searches around and at the edge of the street, he spots her. She's crouched down against the side of the building, her legs flat against the cold pavement that's numbing her skin almost instantly.

Bellamy stuffs his hands in his pockets and makes his way towards her, and the closer he gets he can swear he hears her weeping. "Clarke?" He clears his throat and she looks up momentarily only to look back down, letting the hair fumble in her face. "Can I join you?" She doesn't look up again so Bellamy continues to stand awkwardly until people start to stare. He crouches down, leaving space between them as he sits on the pavement. She sniffles. "Are you okay?"

"Go away." Her voice is soft, as if it's about to break within her mouth. Words crumbling.

Bellamy licks his lips and readjusts himself on the ground, dusting off his hands. "Did something happen."

"I said go away!" She looks up, her eyes red. The crisp air making the hair on her arms stand up.

Bellamy shrugs, "I'm not the enemy here."

"You don't know me!" She growls, her teeth gritted, holding back even more tears.

He nods, "you're right, I don't. But I'd like to." Clarke sits up and looks into his dark caramel eyes. He moves the hair out of her view. "Why don't you tell me what's wrong?" 

It's like time freezes for a moment and they can't drop each others gaze. It's like the look of his eyes is somehow sending warmth throughout her entire body. "Life just... it just isn't easy." She stumbles on her words and Bellamy nods.

"I heard about the other night. Do you wanna talk about it?"

She laughs pathetically. "So you're a therapist?"

"Nah," he shrugs, "only a paramedic."

Clarke licks her lips, looking back up to Bellamy. "Do you know anything about depression?" Bellamy nods slowly, deciding whether or not he should tell her he suffered himself. "It's debilitating."

"I get it." He comforts.

"I had a girlfriend... she was my soulmate, I thought for sure that we were going to be together forever. I thought she was my fairytale ending. And one day, I made her come out with me and our friends, for drinks. She didn't want to come because she had class in the morning but she did because it would make me happy. We were having a great time dancing and laughing and drinking a little too much and she... she got shot." Clarke turns breathless and it takes her a moment to gather herself. Bellamy placed his had on her back and she hardly realizes it as he begins to move his fingertips in circular motions. "She died almost instantly. And somehow in her last breaths she told  _me_  not to be scared. Me. When she was the one with life leaking out of her like angel hair pasta. I don't think I've ever been so frightened in my entire life." Clarke wipes her nose, shaking her head in disbelief. That night playing over and over and over as a horrible reminder. "And then she was gone. Just like that. The person I knew and loved so passionately was gone. Her body was there, but she was not. She vanished, I watched her wash away like cigarette smoke. The worst part was I couldn't do anything to save her. Everything I had ever learned in med school, it didn't prepare me for this."

 _"Nothing_ could've prepared you for that." Bellamy moves his hand across  her shoulder and Clarke realizes his touch, suddenly making them feel a lot closer. Like his touch started some kind of circuit between them.

"Lexa was the most incredible person, and if she doesn't get to live, why should I?" She's weak, and her eyes jump back and forth from one of Bellamy's eyes to the other. Searching for an answer, one she's been looking for, for months.

He licks his lips, taking a deep breath. Bellamy looks to Clarke's trembling hands and pulls them into his grasp. "We live for those who can't. She didn't die so you could follow her."

A shivering tear falls down Clarke's cheek creating a pathway for more. One tear falls after another, slowly but surely. "How do you know?" Her voice trembling.

It's Bellamy's turn to be vulnerable, something he has never been good at. A short breath escapes from his chest. "My girlfriend, Gina, she uh... she was a bank teller. An incredible girl with a gracious heart, so incredibly loyal. And someone came in one day and decided they would take that from her. Two guys came in, with guns, threatened for money. Even in that situation the staff are told to hand over the money, but Gina... oh Gina!" He pauses to laugh. "She was stubborn and she tried to take one of the guys down from behind before her co workers could hand over the cash. The moment she got the first guy to the ground the other one had already put two bullets in her. One right above her heart, the other right through her lung." Bellamy points to the spots on his own body, making it slightly too real. "She didn't die so I could give up. When she died her strength moved to me. Just like Lexa's strength moved to you." No one knew of this, not even Octavia. He had been suffering in silence and it was like a weight lifting off of his shoulders. They haven't taken eyes off of each other and for a moment Clarke manages a small smile at the moment they just shared. "You got a lovely smile." Bellamy whispers bringing his thumb up to wipe the tears beneath her eyes. "You're much too beautiful to cry."

Neither of them knew how this happened. How they got to this moment. Clarke went from hating him to feeling so close that somehow his heartbeat was the only thing she could hear. Despite the traffic rushing by, blowing wind through their hair. Bellamy rubs her cheek softly and the nerves in her cheeks begin to tingle shading her skin a rosy pink. Clarke leans into him slowly, their noses pressing. Both of them knew it was coming, but there was something about the uneasy wait. She pauses for a second, still looking him in the eyes before fluttering her eyelids shut to place her lips on his.

Bellamy's skin is hot, like fire, and the wind that's been chilling her suddenly has no place here. He pushes his lips into hers, they're colliding so perfectly. Clarke pulls back her bottom lip, sloughing back. They both try to talk, but nothing comes out. And their lips meet again, as if long time friends in desperate need of affection.

This kiss wasn't just two people meeting. This was much more than that. He kissed her and the world fell around them. Time freezing, standing still. The kisses were soft, and comforting like a blanket in front of an open fire. A comfort in which words would never be able to obtain. It was like salvation. Right there in that moment, nothing else mattered. His tongue parted her lips so gently and she nodded her head, leaning into him further. A kiss like that was so much more than what it seemed. It was the beginning of something incredible.


	7. Rum and Coke

"How about we go back inside." Bellamy suggests and Clarke nods in agreement. He rises to his feet and puts out his hands for Clarke to take them. She does and he pulls her up, a smile spreads softly at her lips. Although she just dropped all her walls in front of him, she feels comfortable. "Thank you." She whispers, wrapping her arms around his broad shoulders, tucking her nose into his shirt. Her heart felt like it had dropped to the pit of her stomach, despite that butterflies began to spin. The feeling of him pressed so tightly against her was significant enough to make her not want to move.

Bellamy escorts her back inside, no one even notices that either of them had left. The only thing that's different is everyone is slightly more tipsy than before. And the music is slightly louder. "Bellamy," Echo's voice slurs through the people and she grabs on to Bellamy's hand. "Come dance with me, sexy!"

Clarke licks her lips and nods. "Clarke!" He calls after her as she turns around. "I'll see you later?" She chuckles woefully and shrugs. As Bellamy watches her walk away, he's swept within the crowed.

Clarke makes her way over to Harper and Raven and from behind them she spots Niylah. Her figure tall and beautiful and for whatever reason she feels nervous. As if she is guilty. But she isn't, she shouldn't be, Niylah and her were nothing more than familiarity. That kiss that she shared with Bellamy wasn't even comparable to Niylah. It wasn't comparable to any kiss that had ever touched her lips. While thinking about kisses and whose lips they were touching, Clarke's stomach pumped with jealously. Echo's lip touching Bellamy.

Surely he had to of felt it as well. That wasn't just a gesture of 'I hope you feel better soon' or 'I understand your pain.' You don't just kiss someone to make them feel better. You kiss someone when you feel something, when the endorphins in your body are taking over and you're riding high on dopamine. He  _had_ to of felt it. That spark of realization that maybe something between them was brewing. Something incredible.

Niylah greets Clarke and they talk as they normally would in front of their friends. Talking about her day at work and what her plans were for the week. "Well when Octavia finally officially moves out, I'm going to need a roommate."

Raven crunches her eyebrows. "Why don't you and Clarke just move in together?"

"That would mean you're without a roommate. And I know your job pays well but... not that well." They laugh, Raven was constantly getting raises and promotions. Constantly being praised for her continuous intelligence. Clarke is confused but Harper just continues to sip on her fruity drink. She already knows what's about to go down. "Am I missing something?" She looked from Harper to Raven and then to Niylah.

Raven takes a deep breath, biting down on her lips. "I was gonna tell you, but then you disappeared. But like..." she takes a deep breath and for a moment Clarke looks horrified. Maybe something bad has happened, maybe she has to move, maybe she got laid off, horrible thoughts seizing in Clarke's thoughts. "Murphy asked me to move in."

Clarke laughs. "Murphy? Why? What kinda drugs is he on?"

"That's the thing." Raven takes a deep breath, "we are..." Raven looks to her friends for support but they're leaving her on her own for this one. "We're together." She bites the tip of her tongue, trying to read Clarke's expression but there's nothing. It's blank.

"Sorry it must be too loud in here, I swore I just heard you say you and Murphy are together." Clarke chuckles pathetically.

"You heard correctly, Clarke. We're dating, Murphy and I. I'm moving in."

Clarke chokes. "Two days ago you were calling him a Cockroach. What the hell changed?" She shouldn't be mad, but she is. For the pure reason that Raven kept this from her. As her roommate, she should've known. As her friend, she had the right to know. A tear falls from the corner of her eye, and she quickly wipes it away. Betrayal by yet another.

"Everyone walks on eggshells around you, all the time! You're not god! The world doesn't revolve around you! Murphy is the only one that isn't afraid to let you know how he feels. He's the only  _real_ one. I wanted to tell you, but this is the reason I didn't."

Clarke swallows harshly. "Okay but are you forgetting that he almost  _killed_ you."

"It's not like he did it on purpose!" Raven fights back and Harper tried to interfere, putting her hands between the two of her friends. Niylah standing to the side knowing Clarke will stop at nothing. "Are you forgetting that  _you're_ the reason Lexa died?" Her eyes narrow and once she's said it, she knows it's wrong. She wants to take it back but it's much too late. There's nothing she can do to fix it. "Clarke..." she whispers. The realization becoming too real.

Clarke shakes her head, inhaling a deep breath of the alcohol misted air. "Maybe I did. And maybe Murphy should've killed you when he had the chance." She doesn't mean it whatsoever, just like Raven. The words fall from her mouth and she scrambles to pick them up but it's a lost cause. The two friends loom at each other, suddenly not knowing who they are anymore.

Ravens heart beats heavily and tears fill up in her eyes. "Just because you're miserable doesn't mean we all have to be." She grits through her teeth, turning around and storming off. Her limp leg making a visible appearance.

Clarke can't look anyone in the eye. Feelings rushing through her like wildfire. She's angry, she's upset. She feels betrayed. She knows what she said is wrong and the rest of the night she stays silent. Sipping on rum and coke, sitting in the corner reevaluating everything she said, into what she  _should've_ said. Maybe Raven was right. Maybe she was miserable and the reason she was losing friends back and forth was because of her constant loss of morality.

Instead of usually running off, Clarke doesn't this time. Instead, she makes her rounds. Initiating interaction, something she hasn't done in a long time. She was actually waiting for Murphy to find her in the mix of people. Like a red ant in a sea of black. She was waiting for him to call her out, cause for the first time, she realized how badly she deserved it.

Half way through the night, while everyone is much too drunk, Niylah finds Clarke sitting at a couch sipping on another Rum and Coke. "I wanna talk to you." She sits beside Clarke and she thinks she knows what's coming, but she has no idea. Clarke nods in agreement. "Tomorrow, I'm going to bring by a box of your stuff. The stuff that you've left at my place, and I would appreciate it if by the time I do this, you had my box ready too."

Clarke is drunk at this point, not making a fool of herself, she was never an embarrassing drunk, but enough that it fogs her mind. Her eyebrows fall and meet in the middle, crunched up. "I don't understand."

"I've been thinking about what you said. I think you're right. I think we need to be our own people, and me invading your privacy, and us, as a  _thing,_ it's not serious." She's got a straight face. Either this isn't bothering her at all, or she's really good at hiding it.

"Why now?" What could've possibly changed in the last 24 hours. Maybe she genuinely realized how much of a mess Clarke was. Maybe she just couldn't take it anymore.

Niylah leans over and kisses Clarke on the cheek. "We will always be friends, but that's all we should be. That's how it needs to be, and that's how it should stay."

Clarke swallows tightly, like her throat is closing in. Her mind is jumbled and messy. "I don't understand." She loved Niylah, but not like that. They both knew it.

"You don't need to." Niylah takes Clarke's hand in hers and smiles her sweet and soft smile. Her lips tugging upwards just as they normally would. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Wait!" Clarke calls out as Niylah turns to leave. "Why the sudden change of heart? Last night you snuck into my room and held me til I fell asleep. Why now?"

Niylah takes a heavy breath. "I want you to be happy, Clarke. And I didn't want to tell you this, but I saw you kissing Bellamy. And not that we are in a committed relationship, but you've never kissed me like that. You deserve complete and utter happiness, and I don't do that for you. Whether you plan on pursuing him or not, you need to find that utter happiness. We both do."

A tear curls up in Clarke's eye soaking her bottom lashes. "I'm sorry."

The smile at Niylah's lips grows wider. "You don't have be." This didn't bother Clarke, horribly. But it did hurt. At this point she really wasn't in the position to judge. "Do not apologize for being happy. After all this time, it's what oh deserve."

Clarke rises to her feet and hugs Niylah, stuffing her face in the crook of her neck. She squeezes tightly. This was for the best.


	8. Complicated

Bellamy wakes up in the middle of the night, in a bed he doesn't recognize. In nothing but boxers and a sheet draped over him. It's dark, but the sun is about to rise. It's that middle time of the night and day. When the sky is a dark shade of blue and you can see but only cause your eyes have adjusted. He looks to his left and Echo is sleeping soundly beside him. Wrapped up in his t-shirt, and her arms curled around his. Bellamy doesn't remember how he got here, or what he did last night, but he's not stupid.

He tries to pull out from her hold but she squeezes tight. "Don't leave." She pleads.

"I can't do this." He swallows harshly. All he can think about is Clarke, and the kiss that they shared.

Echo sits up in bed, "you weren't saying that an hour ago when you were going down on me." She tilts her head, puckering her lips, clearly unimpressed. Bellamy doesn't hesitate to stand, finding his clothing laced around her bedroom. "Get over here!" She crosses her arms.

He turns around, shrugging. "I told you I'm not here for a relationship. I'm here to visit my  _sister."_ She stares at him, not breaking eye contact, not even blinking. Her skin is glowing in this lighting. "I'm sorry."

She pulls back her bottom lip and sighs, pulling off the shirt and swinging it to him. Her body sinking back into bed, pulling the covers over her shoulders. "Show yourself out." She whispers.

He does, sneaking out of her room and clicking the door behind him. The kitchen light flickers on and Bellamy covers his eyes with the back of his hand.

"Here for not even a week and she already gotcha roped in, eh?" A guy in his late 20s stands, holding a glass of milk. Bellamy only assumes it's Echo's step brother. "I'm Roan, nice to meet you." He extends his hands.

Bellamy makes his way over, adjusting his shirt. "It's not like that, but nice to meet you. Bellamy." They take each other's hand.

"Not spending the night?"

Bellamy shrugs pointing to the sky out of the window. The sun is rising. "I'd say I already have."

Roan chuckles, tossing his glass into the sick, quickly washing it out. "It's alright, Echo is a lot to handle. I don't blame you for walking out."

"You get a lot of guys in and out of here?"

Roan shrugs, "she usually goes to their place. Then she's the one who decides to leave."

Bellamy nods as Roan passes him a glass of water. "Open relationship with your sister?"

Roan laughs. "Ya, i'm practically her only friend. She's a good kid, but like, gets caught up sometimes." Bellamy nods. "You don't wanna be here, do you?"

He shakes his head. "Thanks for your hospitality, but really. I shouldn't stay here longer than I already have."

Bellamy heads out and finds his way to Lincoln's apartment. The light from the street lamps falling onto the pavement. It's beautiful. And for once the lights don't make him seem so lonely. He wonders where Clarke is, if she got home safe. The only thing he can think about if the kiss they shared. It wasn't just a kiss. It wasn't like any kiss he had, ever. Sure, he didn't expect it, and maybe that's what surprised him. Took him off guard. Her lips were soft, even if she was cold and they were chapped. She was definitely one of a kind. She was special, even if she was completely heartbroken.

Bellamy hops up the steps to the apartment complex and a blonde girl sits at on the steps, cigarette in hand. The smoke creating a cloud around her. "Clarke?" Bellamy squints and sure enough it is.

"Oh! Bellamy!" She's taken back, she clearly didn't expect to see anyone at this hour, more or less him. The cigarette smoke fills her lungs one last time before she pushes the butt into the pavement beside her. "I didn't expect to see you here."

"I didn't know you smoked." He says walking closer before taking a seat beside her, propping his elbows on his knees.

"Only when I'm stressed."

Bellamy compresses his lips together. "What's going on now?"

She opened up to him earlier, so twice within a 24 hour period would be a first for Clarke. She chuckles. "What  _isn't_ going on." Her lovely soft blue eyes roll around and she shakes her head, crossing her arms. It's getting cold and the tank top that she has on isn't keeping her very warm. "Raven is moving in with Murphy. That means I'm left without a roommate. I can't move in with Niylah cause we broke up. Everyone is scared to talk to me, scared that I'm gonna burst. To be quite honest, maybe I am."

"Nah." Bellamy sways side to side. A couple of words catching his immediate attention. "You broke up with Niylah? I didn't know you were together."

"We weren't." She says forcefully. "Well, we were. It's a long story." Clarke's face begins to turn a light shade of red. "But basically I'm out of a roommate. There's no way I can afford this apartment by myself, especially since my mother cut me off."

Bellamy nods slowly, putting his hand on her lap. "I'm sure you could find someone. Put an ad online or something." He's watching her as she looks forward among the the sunrise. The sky has turned cotton candy shades of pinks and oranges. Almost like it's on fire.

Clarke rests her head onto Bellamy's shoulder. He's taken back by this action and jumps slightly. But she's comfortable enough that it doesn't make her change her mind. "If you had be asked me 5 years ago, where I'd be, I definitely wouldn't say here."

"Every path is a little curvy."

"Bellamy," she chuckles. Although she hardly knows him she feels this bond that had been like nothing else. "Five years ago I would've said I'd be in med school. Look at me now. A bartender at a pub my friends fiancé inherited."

"The best bartender in the city, you're forgetting." He whispers which fills her with a smile. Clarke looks up at Bellamy, her head still on his shoulder but she can't take her eyes off of his lips. "Why don't you go back?"

Clarke looks back to the sunrise and her chest rises and falls. "I never wanted to be a doctor, my mom kinda forced it on me. What I really wanted was to go to art school. But my mom would never let that happen." The amount of times Clarke replayed that moment in their mind was uncountable. It killed her. Their mother daughter relationship was something Clarke always tried to be proud of. But after her dad died it spiralled downhill really fast. After Lexa died, it pushed her over the edge. How could she go through so much and. Ever expect a break.

She fought with her mother so often, even in hjghschool. She wanted to go to art school and her mother said it was a waste of time and intelligence. But Clarke loved art. She really loved it. She was so incredibly talented she even won a money grant from her art class. She could turn a blank page into the most beautiful life like scenery with only a piece of charcoal. "There's no point. I've already thrown my life away."

Bellamy wraps his arm around her shoulder, her skin chilled. "You haven't thrown anything away, Clarke." He pulls off his light jacket and places it around her. Sh quickly falls back into him. "It's never too late to do what makes you happy."

She looks up and smiles at him, staring from his eyes to his lips which are sitting slightly parted. "How is it that I've known you only a few days and you've enlightened me more than anyone has in my entire 21 years of life?"

Bellamy drags the hair out of her eyes and his touch sends tingles down her spine. They didn't know how this happened. How this thing they had blossomed so quickly. Neither of them feeling this kind of thing ever before. They seemed to get each other so easily. His fingertips were soft and the way he traced her lips made her heart flutter. Their breathing surrounded them in bubble of solitude. Bellamy was tall and strong and was like a made up man. He had muscles under his shirt, but he wasn't not bulky from lighting weights. It was that 'all man' type build. But when he looked at her that all faded. He became a boy with fire in his eyes, like he had an adventure all laid out, just ready to run. And then he lowered his face to hers, and kissed her. Delicately at first, and that was the moment she had though if since their lips last parted. He placed his hand on her waist and drew her closer, deepening their kiss beginning to move as one. He had cast a spell on her, without even meaning to. As well as her to him. They had each other in a trance, lips locked.

Clarke grabs on to his chest, pulling at his shirt.    He leads his lips to her neck, the delicate touch makes her crumble in his arms. Hot breath against her neck and the tingle that it left. "Bellamy..." she lets out breathily. He chuckles against her skin and she tries to lead his lips back to hers. "Bellamy..." she says again. "We shouldn't do this." Clarke pushes against his chest. "No."

He know she's felt exactly what he has. There's a spark that hooks them like an electrical circuit. "What?" His expression is puzzled.

"Not yet." Clarke bites down on her lips, shaking her head slightly. Hardly at all. She runs her hands through his hair and lines her thumb and along his cheek. "I think I like you. And I don't want  _this..."_  she gestures between the two of them, "to complicate things."

As much as Clarke wants him to sweep her up and waltz his way to her apartment and lay her down on the bed and have him kiss every inch of her, she knows herself too well. Clarke had a known record for everything fast paced. Maybe this should be the first thing that isn't. She stares into his beautiful dark eyes and they feel so comforting. She feels like she's known him forever and with ever print that his lips left on her was like flipping the page in a chapter book. Each one as exciting as the next.

"Lucky for you..." Bellamy whispers, leaning up and into her lips, "complicated is just my type." 


	9. Date Night

_The sun brightened up Clarke's cozy bedroom a bright harmony of colours. Her eyelids peeled open and before her laid the most beautiful girl she had ever seen. Lexa. Clarke reached out to touch her cheek, her skin was silky smooth just how she remembered. Lexa's eyelids fluttered open, a smile enlightening the view. She laid her hand on top of Clarke's against her cheek, her touch giving Clarke all kinds of butterflies. It felt so real. The room was a golden crisp colour and the light shined off of Lexa's sun kissed skin brilliantly. It felt so, so real. "I'm sorry." Clarke whispered. "I never wanted you to get hurt."_

_"I know." Lexa recited, kissing her fingers. "Don't blame yourself. It could've been anyone."_

_A tear sinks down Clarke's cheek. "But it wasn't anyone, it was you. Lexa, I love you."_

_The girl that laid in front of her smiled so softly as if in on a joke that Clarke was not aware of. "You_ loved  _me Clarke. Take the love I know you're so able of sharing and give it to someone else."_

_"But Lexa..." she stumbled on her words, holding onto Lexa's hand so tightly. She wanted to wrap her up in her arms and never let her leave this moment._

_"I want you to be happy, Clarke. Life is about more than just surviving, remember?" Clarke's inside begin to break and tears are falling from her eyes consistently. "I will always be with you. I promise." Lexa touches her lips to the top of Clarke's forehead._

Clarke's eyelids flutter open. The room is no longer that beautiful orangey glow. It's cool and an unlikely grey. Her bed is large and empty and she couldn't feel more alone. It's been raining all day and since this morning when Bellamy walked her back to her room, she hadn't willed herself to get up. The sound of the pattering rain hits her window, calling her attention to the window. It's like the sky is one big grey cloud. Full of nothingness.

A tap at Clarke's door helps her sit up, the door cracks open. It's Raven, she's just gotten back from her physio appointment for her bum knee. "Can we talk?" Clarke shrugs, still not impressed with her roommates actions. "I've got cookie dough?" She smiles, scrunching her nose pulling a tube of Pillsbury from behind her. When Lexa first died Raven would call Harper over and they'd lie in her bed watching Netflix and eating cookie dough.

Clarke nods softly and Raven hobbles in. "How's your knee." She asks and Raven takes a seat at the edge of her bed.

"It's okay. Ya know it's always worse when the sky is crying." They're both silent for a minute or two when Raven decides to break the silence. She picks at the plastic tube of the cookie dough and slips some into her mouth."I know you're upset with me, but I want to explain."

"Raven..."

"No please just hear me out. We all make mistakes... and Murphy definitely made one. But if we were all judged for every mistake we made, none of us would have any friends."

"Raven..." Clarke tried to speak again but she's quickly cut off.

"He feels horrible for what her did. He drives me to every doctor and physio appointment and then drives me home and takes me for any errands I need to run he's a good guy who pretends to be a dick that doesn't care cause he's terrified of rejection. Especially from his own friends. That's why he gives you such a hard time." She rubs her lips together nervously.

Clarke takes the cookie dough from Raven and starts moulding some into a ball. "When did you plan on telling me? Your wedding day?" Clarke isn't horribly upset, more bothered than anything.

Raven taps her fingertips against her knee brace. "I didn't know how to tell you. I know he gives you a hard time, but he's just... he's insecure. And I was scared to tell you because you have enough stuff going on and the last thing you need is to find a new place."

Crossing her legs, Clarke readjusts herself on her bed, moving the covers to the side. "It's been six months since Lexa died, we are going on seven now... I loved her. But maybe it's time I put my love into someone who can actually... love me back." She moves her shoulders in uneasy waves. Clarke knows that it's true, but having it escape her lips so easily is definitely a first.

"Wait! Are you and Niylah-" Clarke shakes her head aggressively before Raven can continue on. "You've lost me."

Clarke laughs slightly to herself and change: the subject. "Murphy, do you love him?"

A smile grows at raven's lips. So quickly that it begins to make her cheeks burn. She's at a loss for words so she throws her hands in her lap. It's like she's in high school again, smitten. "He makes me happy."

"Then I'm happy for you." Clarke grabs on to Raven shoulder and the girls share a familiar smile. "So when do I get kicked out?" Clarke says playfully and they both laugh.

"Our lease isn't up til August, so that gives us two and a half months to find you either a new roomie or a new place."

Clarke sighs, looking around her room. Her double door closet that had more clothes on the floor than hanging up. Her tv hanging from the opposing wall on mute, but always have something playing in the background. It helped her sleep at night, when the shadows just wouldn't leave her alone. A wall of Polaroid pictures showing off all the incredible memories she shared with her friends. Including ones of Lexa. She hardly looked at them but right now, she couldn't take her eyes off of them. It was originally Lexa's ideas, displaying her greatest hits along the wall. A lot of the set up with her room was actually thanks to Lexa. As fierce as she was, she had an eye for design. Another reason Clarke loved her. "I'm gonna miss this place." She mumbles but Raven picks it up almost instantly.

"Well, I could talk to Murphy, maybe he could move in here. That way you don't have to move." Clarke scrunches up her nose and shakes her head. Raven laughs, "yeah maybe not the best idea. But we could find you a roommate."

"I'll post a thing at work and see if anyone is interested, you should do the same at the pub!"

"Okay." She agrees, nodding her head. "Deal."

A knock at the door makes both girls jump. Their apartment echoing sighted. "Are you expecting anyone?" Clarke shakes her head and Raven hops up, both girls heading towards to door. Raven pulls it open and Bellamy stands there a small smirk at his lips and Clarke is totally taken back. She can't help but smile. "Hello handsome." Raven smacks her lips together. 

Bellamy chuckles, standing in jeans and a plaid shirt. His hands slouched in his pockets with a strong stance. Hair curled slightly at the perimeter of his face. His lips parted so slightly, the same ones she kissed so early this morning. "I was just wondering if you had any plans?"

"Well, I've got a date at six, but my good friend Clarkie here," Raven wraps her arm around Clarke's side, rubbing the top of her head. "Clarke's free all night."

Clarke pulls back her bottom lip trying not to blush. "Perfect," Bellamy grins, "I'll be back in an hour, Griffin." He winks, stepping backward, one step at a time before Clarke pushes the door closed.

"What was that?!" Clarke can't help but laugh, wiping sweat from her forehead while Raven does a little happy dance.

"I don't know..." Raven widens her eyes and mocks Clarke. "I didn't realize we were into Blake's all of a sudden."

Clarke's cheeks are a crimson colour. "Neither did I." And she rushes off to her room. Searching for something appropriate to wear.

She hadn't been on a date since Lexa, her and Niylah just skipped over that part. Suddenly Clarke was wrapped up in her closet searching for something that would accentuate her curves but still not screaming;  _please take me, right here. Right now._

Raven doesn't bother her, and let's her do her thing. This was the first time anyone had ever seen Clarke so excited in the past six mo this. She was giddy, and Raven didn't want to mess with that. Seeing Clarke happy, was like a breath of fresh air. She hardly smiled anymore.

The outfit Clarke picks out consists of skinny jeans and a leather jacket. Her hair fallen naturally around the collar. A necklace with a single pearl that her father gave her for her 20th birthday. One of the only things she has left from him. The last gift he gave her. Clarke didn't know Bellamy's type, but considering he was all over Echo gave her a pretty good idea.

The thought of going out with Bellamy excited her beyond belief. Her heart was racing a million times a minute, butterflies twirling around in her stomach as if they were just let out of a cage. She can't stand still, her body jiggling excitedly as she does her makeup. Little did she know, Bellamy was stressing profusely just two floors above. Time passes by quickly, but not quickly enough. And then soon, all at once, it's 6:30 and there's a rap at the door.

Bellamy.

When the door opens, Clarke's heart flutters and takes flight. He's even more beautiful than she thought he could be. His hair is lightly slicked back but his hair curls around the edge of his ears. He's got a nervous smirk but he's just as astonished at the beauty that she holds right in that same door way. It's like her eyes are glowing in the poorly lit space. Bellamy extends his hand. "Ready to go?"

Clarke fights back a smile and nods her head slightly, taking her hand in his. Bellamy's hands are big and strong and could engulf both of hers in just one hand. He's got the hands of a doctor but also the hands of a worker. They've been through a lot, and they've saved even more lives. Or at least helped save them.

His hands were warm and reassuring for Clarke. As if she was worried for some untold reason. "Where are we going? Drinks?" She asks, her breath coming out shaky.

"I was thinking we could actually get something to eat. Are you hungry?"

Clarke let's out a sigh of relief as they enter the elevator. Knowing alcohol wasn't the right thing for her right now. "Starved."

Bellamy walks Clarke to a restaurant a few blocks down. By now had stopped raining and a rainbow was hiding just among the clouds. Although it wasn't sunny, Clarke's energy was more than enough to brighten the way. They made small talk until the waiter sat them at a table. It was one of the newer sushi bars in town, the one everyone couldn't stop raving about. Unfortunately, Clarke just wasn't one for her food still partially alive. Nonetheless, she swallowed the frog in her throats and sat down in the chair across from Bellamy.

"Thanks for coming to dinner with me." Bellamy says as soon as the waiter leaves. "I was starting to get lonely."

Clarke furrows her brows. "Lonely?"

"Lincoln took Octavia to some..." he threw his hands up in the air. "I don't know."

They both laugh. "Lucky for you,  _lonely_ is just my type."

They sit and chatted for awhile and time is passing as fast the subway in New York. Before they know it their food is there and Bellamy is having her try all types of half dead fish. And she's laughing. Clarke griffin is buckled over in her seat, her eyes crinkled and dimples hugging the side of her mouth from laughing so hard. She hadn't felt this way so long. So care free. So genuinely... happy.

Bellamy was telling her all about Toronto. The city so vast, so large. Never a dull moment. "Do you ever get sick of it?" She asks, taking a sip of her iced water.

Bellamy shrugs. "Nah, should i?"

Clarke shifts in her seat. "I mean, it sounds like you love it, but don't you ever want for something more. Something just like this... but more?"

He squints. "I'm afraid I don't know what you mean."

"Ya know," she grits her teeth, "that moment after the rain has fallen in the middle of the night and it's so quiet that you can hear your own heartbeat... don't you ever yearn for that?"

Bellamy tilts his head, amazed by this single analogy that she's presented. This, made him think. "I don't think I've ever heard my own heartbeat without a stethoscope." She giggles, her cheeks shading onto that pink colour again. Bellamy realizes his affect on her, which makes him grin as well. He wonders if his cheeks are a crimson colour as well. "You look beautiful tonight, Clarke."

Her teeth imprint themselves into her bottom lip and she slouches back in her seat, avoiding eye contact and tugging at the hair in front of her eyes. "You too." And then she realizes what she's said, getting slightly embarrassed. "Or handsome, or uh, whatever."

In attempt to make her feel better Bellamy reaches out for her hand. She slips her fingers into the palm of his. "Let's get out of here." He motions, leaving enough money for the bill on the table.


	10. Rain

Bellamy has Clarke hand tightly in his as they dash through the street. Rain has made its appearance well known and its pattering around them. Head to toe, they're drenched and neither of them can stop laughing. Bellamy pulls Clarke behind him as they sneak under the overhang of a local coffee shop.

Clarke's body has turned in to a jittery mess, the hairs on her arms standing on end even under her jacket. But it's not because of the rain, at least not all of it. The way the rain has Bellamy's hair swooped to the side, his Carly's lightly bouncing. The beads of water pouring down his forehead. His shirt is soaked, and it's tight right to his body so she can see nearly every muscle. Bellamy still holds her hand as they stare at the grey sky waiting for the rain to clear.

Cars solace by, wipers moving vigorously through the pellets falling from the sky. A thunder hums and lightning strikes. Making the earth crackle. He looks down at Clarke momentarily and it's like she's glowing. The lights are reflecting from the water on her skin and Bellamy can't help himself. There's no way he can keep his eyes off of her. He cups her face in his hands, forcefully placing kisses to her mouth. She's caught off guard but quickly obliges. The raindrops from their lips melting away.

Clarke is weak in the knees and holding on tightly to his chest, begging for him to keep her up.  Bellamy's lips capture her bottom lip in a heavenly kiss, dragging out the space between them. The heat that radiates nearly fogging the air around them.

Lightning strikes once more, this time hitting the canopy above them causing it to fall and a pool of water splashing them, Clarke screaming and Bellamy has to hold his breath in order not to chuckle.

He scoops Clarke's hand in his once again and pulls her behind him as they make a run for it, across the street in and between traffic. Cars blaring their horns and their brake lights covering the street in a red glow. If you didn't know any better it could've just been Clarke blushing, the heat propelled from her cheeks. She can't take her eyes off of him. He made her wild. And she had never felt anything this sudden, this crazy. This  _freeing._

They're running into the apartment building, both completely soaked, drenched and they can't keep their hands off of each other. Clarke pulls Bellamy by his shirt for a kiss as she leans against the elevator doors. Bellamy pressing the 'up' button vigorously.

The door beeps and Bellamy walks her back, the leather jacket that's sticking to Clarke's skin is peeled away. His large hands tug at her waist, pulling her close. Her body so close to his that he can feel her shake under his touch.

The elevator door slips open and Clarke pulls her lips away from his, a smirk smeared across her mouth. She raises her index finger as he leans into kiss her. Instead she pushes it between them. "Shhhhh..."

Clarke turns around, Bellamy quickly wrap his arms around her waist, his lips buried in her neck. Clarke's blond wet, curly hair falling against his face. She holds her breath and she shoves the key into the door. The lights are off. Raven's not home.

Bellamy picks Clarke up effortlessly, she wraps her legs around his waist and he pushes her against the door. Their kisses are like fire. The touch of them burns. It's like one of those scenes from the movies where sultry music plays in the background. Bellamy slides his hands up her waist and under her t-shirt. He pulls her clothing off so slickly it's like unwrapping a present. Her body cold and each touch of his sticks to her like glue. Each touch leading to another.

Bellamy sloppily kisses her neck and she lets out a soft moan, of almost relief. "First door..." she managers out, her voice extremely breathy. "First door on the right." She leans her forehead against his and kisses his lips tenderly before breathing down his neck.

Bellamy slams into Clarke's bedroom and he lies her down on the bed as it bounced beneath her. He leaned over her, trailing kisses down her body as he unzipped his jeans and pulled them down. Clarke pushes the fabric off of his chest and smiles at the view above her. He is fit, even more fit than she thought. The water from his hair drops beads along her chest as he laces her stomach with sloppy kisses.

~~~

Clarke laid on her chest, leaning upwards staring at Bellamy sleeping. He was so angelic. In a weird way, reminded her of the rain. To be specific the feeling  _after_ the rain. When it's quiet and it's like the whole world is silent. And the only thing that matters is right in front of you. In this case, it's Bellamy. His skin glimmering while his eyelash's flutter.

How did she catch feelings for him? How was that possible. He was the last thing that she would normally fall for. But he was just so charming and so attractive and she had to stop herself from running her fingers down his chest. But she did anyway. Run her fingers all around his chest and then moved to his lips. They sat slightly parted and she leaned over and kissed him softly. "Morning already?" Bellamy says groggily, looking around and pulling Clarke close.

"Not quite." She whispered, leaning in to kiss him and his lips pull at hers for more. "I can't sleep."

"What's wrong?" Bellamy moves the hair from her eyes so he can get a better view. She shrugs avoiding the look in his eyes, knowing the moment she does, she'll melt. Bellamy tilts her chin towards him and she smiles softly. "What's wrong?" He repeats.

Clarke swallowed hard and fast. "I don't... I don't do this." She whispers, her voice about to break.

"Do what?"

She looks into his eyes and she's locked there. "Let my guard down."

His lips touch hers and she falls into his arms. Skin touching skin, the only thing keeping them warm. Bellamy runs his fingertips down her shoulder and then her arm and then her waist. "I like you, Clarke." She looks up briefly only to close her eyes. "You're really beautiful." He adds and she lies there still. His lips touch the top of her head repeatedly and she relaxes. 

Bellamy made her feel something. Something just had never felt before. Felt something even more elaborate than what she felt for Lexa, and he had only known him a few days. Was this love? Or was this Lust? Was there a difference? Was she just craving affection that she was accustomed to. Or did she like Bellamy. Did she really like him? She only had a few days before he left and she wouldn't see him again until Octavia's wedding. But she didn't want to think about it. She just wanted to hold him, and pray she could keep this exact moment with her forever.


	11. Headfirst

Clarke leans against the doorframe. Bellamy is holding her hand tightly and she keeping leading him back to her lips. She knows he should go, but she doesn't want him to. Bellamy leans into her softly, pressing soft kisses to her lips. Clarke sighs when he steps backward, a small smile tugging at his lips. A cheeky smirk of the sorts.

She pushes her lips tightly together as she watches him walk away and into the elevator. His hands slummed into his pockets and his hair slightly disheveled. This was dangerous for Clarke. Developing feelings for something so temporary. She wanted to draw him back and wrap her arms around him and just... have him hold her. It felt so good to be held by someone so strong. It felt safe. Like nothing in the world could touch her.

Clarke slithers back inside to where she locates her phone, to message Harper. She slides the screen open and a message is sitting there from Bellamy. A smile creeps along her lips. "I had fun last night" and at the end a semi colon and bracket creating a smiley face. Clarke sends a text to Harper.  _Come over, now!!!!!_  And within moments Harper is banging down the door and she's panicking as if she thinks something horrible has happened.

But when the door opens and Harper sees the look on her best friend's face she knows this is the opposite. Something incredible has happened. Clarke hadn't looked this happy in a long time. "Who just left here?" Harper laughs, throwing herself onto the couch.

Clarke swallows her excitement and takes a deep breath. "Bellamy Blake." She's scared of the rejection her friend is about to show but instead she screams.

"BELLAMY BLAKE?! OH MY GOD, CLARKE!" Her smile is so wide and the expression on her face is uncanny. "Jesus Christ! I didn't think you'd have it in you!"

"Excuse me?" Clarke laughs, scrunching up her nose, she pulls her legs in to sit cross legged.

Harper rolls her eyes. "He was eyeing you the moment he saw you, he only hooked up with Echo to make you jealous." She pauses, "looks like it worked."

Clarke pushes Harper back playfully. "Shut up, he did not!"

"Sucks for Echo." Harper stands up, walking over to the kitchen and pulling a glass from the cupboard. "I think she really liked him." Clarke is silent as she bites down on the tip of her tongue. "It's Echo, who cares." Her best friend says as she turns around, popping a hand to her hip. "So is it true? Are Blake's good with their hands?"

Clarke laughs, blushing. "Absolutely." She says just to go along with the joke but the truth is everytime her eyes shut for more than second, she sees him in that glowing midnight light. His small natural smile peeking at his upturned lips. And the warmth of his touch that somehow made her so comfortable although she hardly knew anything about him.

She knew he cared for his sister, and that he loved her more than anything in the world. She knew his heart was big, he helped save lives every day. She knew his eyes glistened when they reflected off the moonlight. And she knew that he was beautiful in every sense. Literal and figuratively. Was that love? Was this what falling in love was like? Because if it was, her other loves could not be compared. Was love craving his touch before he even left?

" _Helloooo?_ " Harper calls, "earth to Clarke??"

"Yeah, sorry."

"Thinking about him? Wow, Clarke. If I didn't know you better I'd say you're love struck." Clarke blushes again. "Oh my god! Clarke!" She squeals. "You're really into him, aren't ya?"

"Is it that obvious?" She bites down on her lip hard.

Harper crosses her arms, shaking her head at her best friend. "What happened last night? How could you fall so fast?"

She shrugs, desperation written all over her face. "I think I tripped. I fell headfirst. You know those stupid  _in the rain_ movie kisses? It happened, Harper. We ran through the rain and he held me close and I swear nothing had ever felt so right in world. Clarke's shoulders rise up. "I feel horrible for feeling this way."

"What?" Harper furrows her brows and slides back onto the couch. "Feel bad? For what?" Clarke licks her lips. "I've taught you better than that to apologize for your feelings, especially to me."

Clarke huffs, she knows herself too well she wants to cry. She's going to cry. All the sudden those emotions she's been afraid of hiding coming full force. "I can't fall in love with something so temporary!" She grinds her teeth. "He's going to go leave and go back home and back to his life and forget I existed."

"Really? Cause by the looks of it, he's calling right now." She smirks pointing to the phone resting on the coffee table. And suddenly Clarke is flushed and has the exactly same look Octavia gets. And the look that Raven gets. And the look that Harper gets.

Love.

~~~

**Two Weeks Later**

Two weeks and he stole her heart. Two weeks. That's all it took. And she was smitten. Head of heals,  _stay with me forever_ , live in the moment  kinda love. Skin against skin, your hand in mine,  _your smile is my favourite thing_  kinda love. The  _I can't stop looking at you while you sleep_ kinda love.

Octavia was over the moon the fact that her brother was dating, and not just dating anyone, but one of her friends made her ecstatic. It was all part of her master plan for eternal happiness. Be surrounded by love 24/7. Everyone could see how in love Clarke was with Bellamy she didn't even have to say it. Whenever someone said his name the apples of her cheek turned rosy and every sparkle in her eye came to life.

Clarke sat upright in her bed, knees pulled slightly to her chest while watching Bellamy get dressed. He had pretty much stayed at her place for the last two weeks. Each night she held on to him so tightly, afraid that when she wakes he would be gone. She loved him so effortlessly. Like it was her job to do so. The only reason she was put on this earth. She was trying so hard to not be sad. To hold him so close and pray, pray on some shooting stat that he wouldn't forget her just as quickly as he came.

"Don't look so sad, Clarke." His voice was quiet and he zipped up his jeans, sitting right beside her. She's quiet but breathing heavily. Bellamy rests his hand on her kneecap, leaning in and kissing her forehead.

"What an I supposed to look like when I don't know when I'm gonna see you next?" She closed her eyes to prevent tears from drizzling down her cheeks.

Bellamy's heart was heavy. "I'm already working on it. I'm gonna try and use up some vacation to come back out here before the wedding."

Clarke pushed her hair out of her eyes. "Bell... once in seven months, I'm sorry, but that's not gonna do it." Bellamy nods slowly, he knows what she means. For what she felt, he felt it too. When he was with Clarke, he felt alive. Like there was a fire in his stomach. When he was with her, everything made sense. "You don't have to go." Her bottom lip quivers.

Bellamy cups her face in his hands and captures her lips in his. Trying to put everything he wants to say right into her. So she can feel it. "You know I have to go. I already postponed my flight once. I can't do it again." He balances his forehead against hers.

"So why can't you do it again?" She knew it was selfish to ask him to stay. But after the past two weeks she felt more herself than she ever had.

He takes a deep breath and kisses her forehead. "I love you, Clarke. And me going back home for awhile isn't going to change that.  _I promise._ "

She laughs, pulling her lip back. "You say that now. But when you get home, it'll all he different." Clarke shuts her eyes and wiping away her tears.

"Then come with me."

Clarke's eyes shoot open, "what did you just say?" Her eyebrows furrowing.

"I already bought you a ticket. You're coming with me." A half smile tugs at the corner or his lips.

She breathes out in disbelief. "You're joking. What about the pub?"

"Octavia worked it all out. Pack your bags. Let's go."

Clarke jumps into his arms, tears falling from either eye, a smile spread wide across her lips. "I love you so much."


	12. Maid

Despite her wild, carefree personality and love for adventure, Clarke had never been on a plane. She was furled of excitement but unfortunately nerves as well. The flight was four and a half hours, not bad. But for someone who had never been in the air and had a fear of heights, it was another story.

Clarke sat next to the window, staring across the sky filled with candy cotton clouds. Bellamy had his arm around her and placed a kiss to the side of her head.

"Would you like to read with me?" A small voice squeaks from in front of them as the seatbelt light dings off. A child appears, standing on the seat and looking over at both Clarke and Bellamy.

Bellamy immediately smiles, the expression on his face goes nearly child like. "I would love to read with you!" Before Clarke could blink Bellamy was holding one of the little girl's books, reading it to her over the seat. She couldn't have been more than seven years old. With dark curly hair and bright a blue eyes, a small upturned nose, Clarke couldn't help but think if they were to have a child -she would be the perfect mix.

She hadn't seen him interact with many people other than her group of friends. But the way he so unapologetically started making conversation with the five year old, and read to her, warmed her heart. Clarke was never one for children, but it was like fireflies rose from within her. This may have been the cutest thing she's ever seen.

After awhile, Bellamy stands and excused himself to the washroom but not leaving before he could plant a kiss on the top of Clarke's head. She lets off a half smile, scared to be left alone on the plane but hey, what's two minutes.

The mother of the daughter turns around. "Do you have kids?" She asks and Clarke releases a puzzled look on her face. "You and your husband, you're great with kids."

Clarke chuckles, "we aren't married. But no, we don't have kids."

"Oh! I'm so sorry, I just assumed. You've got that honeymoon glow." She smirked. "Hold on to that for as long as you can."

Clarke glances to the empty space beside her. "We haven't known each other very long."

"Really?" She raises an eyebrow. "You seem like you know each other pretty well."

Clarke chuckles. "I think I'm falling in love with him." She blushes and her cheeks are hot like fire. "I thought i knew what love was, but..." she breathes heavy, "he's different." Clarke loosed her train of thought. "Never mind its stupid."

"It's not stupid!" She ensures with a pure smile written on her face, "love is the most beautiful thing in the world."

The feeling rushes over Clarke, she can't even nail what it is. It's the feeling of butterflies but so much more. Like she's being turned upside with her heart completely exposed just waiting to be lit on fire. Or maybe she already has been lit on fire. Maybe she's in the middle of the fire and covered in gasoline. Maybe there wasn't any reason. Maybe she started the fire.

Upon landing, Bellamy and Clarke find their way to baggage claim. Bellamy ordered a über and before they knew it, they were walking up the steps to his downtown apartment. Every step leaving an echo bouncing off the glass built building. Bellamy's hang has Clarke engulfed in his hold. Her hands are clammy and he laughs, leading her into his apartment.

It's clean. Cleaner than she would've thought. Big glass windows that hand from ceiling to floor. Granite countertops. It looked like something right out of a film. One she could watch time and time again on repeat. Her fingers graze the chilled granite and Bellamy surprises her from behind. Effortlessly lifting her onto the counter and planting a kiss softly upon her lips. "I want to make you dinner." He announces. "No offence but I'm sick of take out and bar food."

Clarke laughs. She couldn't remember the last time she ate a home cooked meal. A smile spreads wide across her lips and her cheeks turn a flushed shade of pink. "I didn't know you could cook."

"Not everyone gets to to see that side of me." he kisses her lips softly before turning around the counter as Clarke reaches for his hand.

Bellamy makes it to the fridge and swings open the door. To her surprise it's filled with fresh food, fruits and veggies. All kinds of things and she leaps off the counter, one eyebrow pushed down into her eye. "How did your fridge-" she starts but Bellamy cuts her off.

He sighs. "I guess it's time I told you."

Clarke crosses her arms across her chest. "Tell me what." She's nervous of what comes next.

Bellamy laughs, pulling her into a hug and placing a soft kiss to the top of her forehead. "I have an assistant. She does all my stuff for me. Any paper work, errands, taxes. Anything honestly. That includes grocery shopping." Clarke narrows her eyes. "When my mother died I was left everything she had. Including her stocks, her savings, her life insurance. This place here... this place is mine. I paid for it in full."

Clarke takes a look around at the penthouse suite and suddenly it seems a lot more luxurious. "You own this?" Bellamy nods. "All of it?"

He laughs, nodding his head. "I invested most of the money. That's how I'm paying for Octavia's wedding. She doesn't know about most of it, but our mother left her nearly as much as me. She just can't access it until her 25th birthday. Best if she doesn't know about it until then. With my share I paid of my outstanding student loans and bought a small out of city house. I lived there for awhile until I got promoted at work, I had to change districts. So I rent that out to a nice family and here I am, in my apartment. Happy as can be." The smile he wears is fake but she smiles back anyway.

"So you have a maid?" She bursts out with laughter and takes Bellamy's hands in hers. "Couldn't trick me. You had your socks lying all over my bedroom floor."

Bellamy leans down and kisses her, softly at first and then deeper. Tender kisses that capture Clarke's bottom lip in his every single time. The touch of him makes her weak. "Let me show you your room."

"My room?" Clarke laughs, grabbing on to his hand as he begins to walk away. "Nice try babe but I'm sleeping wherever you are."

Bellamy takes a deep breath and moves the hair out of her eyes. "Just incase you get sick of me." He mumbles, the thought of kissing her controlling all of his thoughts.

Clarke pulls herself closer to him and she runs her hands along his chest. "Never." She whispers, kissing him one last time.

Later that night after a home made meal and hours of nexflix later, Clarke is snuggled up to Bellamy. Her rest resting gently on his chest while he's slightly propped up in his king size bed. Bellamy coaxed his fingers along the top of her head, playing with small strands of hair. Her breathing was even and he could feel the small little puffs of her breath against his chest. Bellamy imprints his lips to her forehead, a smile growing wide. How could he have fallen for her so fast? So intensely. He had felt love, but nothing like this. He didn't need sleep, he could just watch her lie there for hours. Her chest rising and falling in synch with his heartbeat. Was this what it was like to have a soulmate? Something to pure. After all those nights looking off into the vast city of dark sky and shining lights, did he finally find his shooting star?

Clarke whines slightly, and snuggles into him further, the smell of his cotton t-shirt filling her nose which pushes her farther into sleep mode. Despite bringing changes of her own clothes she lied curled in Bellamy's t shirt. This one... this one she would never let go.


	13. Play Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter gets kinda smutty and its not even really good smut so i wouldnt blame you if you skipped over

"Hey!" Clarke squeals from the passenger seat, grabbing onto Bellamy's forearm, almost making him curve off the road. "Pull over there!" She pointed to a strip mall not too far with a lime green marquee sign leading the words  _GOOD VIBRATIONS._

Bellamy furrows his eyebrows questioning his overly ecstatic girlfriend. "You've got to be kidding me. A sex shop?"

"Mmhmmm." She mumbles biting her bottom lip and Bellamy catches a glimpse from the corner of his eyes making his insides tingle. Typical Clarke, making him feel things when he tried so hard to not.

Bellamy takes the turn and without any say or input Clarke was bouncing out of the car, dragging Bellamy by the hand and into the poorly lit sex shot. The outside was made of concrete and didn't have any windows except for the door in the entry way. Truly made you feel like you are er walking into some sort or prison or captivity.

Reluctantly Bellamy follows closely behind Clarke, trying to hide the shade of pink that's found its way to his cheeks. "Are you nervous, Mr Blake?" Clarke whispers, leaning into him and leaving a soft and tender kiss along the edge of his lips.

"Not really my scene." He chuckles against her lips.

"Really, cause last night in bed I would've swore you said you'd  _lock me up and keep me there forever_." She winks and kisses him again, leading him to the back corner of the store. "Calm down, it's just a shop. People just particularly happen to like sex here,  _really_ like sex." She picks up a package of vanilla flavoured condoms and shoves them against his chest.

He takes them and laughs, almost like he's embarrassed, "really?"

Clarke shimmys her shoulders and giggles. "How about these?" She turns around and backs into Bellamy, his arms wrapping tightly around her as he plants a kiss to the back of her head. She smells sweet and fresh from her shower this morning. He could burry his nose into the bed of her hair and never leave. Her hips back into his so there's hardly any space between them.

She pulls at a pair of fluffy handcuffs with leather tassels and makes an excited squeal which lightens Bellamy's mood. "What do you think?" She leans her head back and holds them up. "Sexy, right?"

Bellamy chuckles uneasily. "Whatever the hell you want, babe. I just wanna get out of here." The lady at the front counters snickers as she overhears the conversation.

Clarke's eyes are the deep kinda blue they get when she's excited or feeling any kind of extreme feeling. This time, it just happens to be lust. "This is supposed to be fun." She moans, turning around within his arms. Clarke wraps her arms around his neck with a smirk lined along her lips. "Pick anything you want. We are here for a good time, Bell. Just ignore everything else and keep your eyes on me."

"That's easy to do." He presses his lips into her forehead. If they weren't in a sex ship it would look like the perfect scene from the perfect movie. Dim lighting. She falls into him. The feeling all fuzzy, even more so than the handcuffs. "All I want is you." He says and every time his lips part they somehow meet her skin once again. Like the conductor of a train, you pull it away and it comes right back.

Clarke grabs a few other things including a new pair of lacy underwear and salted caramel flavoured lube. Bellamy guides her to the checkout before she can pick out one of everything and she's ironically got the look of a child plastered among her face. 

"Find everything alright?" The cheery blonde across the counter asks. She wreaks of fake flavoured cherry lipgloss.

Clarke laughs, piling the handcuffs and other toys amongst the counter. "Absolutely."

Bellamy's hand is sitting in the small of Clarke's back for comfort and when he looks up to meet eye contact with the associate he almost steps back. "Kayla?" He squints and Clarke suddenly had her eyes resting at Bellamy's lips.

The blonde girl piped up, a smile growing widely across her lips. "Oh my god! Bell!" She's excited and Clarke looks over. "You look incredible! Is this your girlfriend?" Her wide grin turns to Clarke and she's not sure if she should feel welcome or uneasy.

"Yes." Bellamy smirks down at Clarke before resting slightly on the counter top. "Clarke, this is Kayla. We uh, we dated in high school." He sounds uneasy but Clarke doesn't feel intimidated what so ever after she spy's the diamond ring on her finger.

"So nice to meet you Clarke!" She reaches out her for her hand and Clarke shares a smile, gladly taking it. "I can't believe you got Bellamy in a sex shop, he always made me go in by myself." She chuckles, shaking her head at Bellamy. A quick wag of her finger in tow.

His cheeks turn red and Clarke can't help but laugh. Clarke 'awes' and leans into Bellamy, resting her head along his chest. "Guess I'm a good influence."

"Kyle said you went on vacation or something?" Kyle was Kayla's twin brother, who also happened to be one of Bellamy's friends and co-workers.

"If you can call my little sisters shitty apartment a vacation, sure!" He chuckles and Clarke taps him on the chest.

"Hey! Don't knock it til you try it." Clarke turns her nose up.

"I did! And it sucks."

"Good thing I saved you then." She places a kiss at Bellamy's jaw line and he gets even more embarrassed than he was before.

"Are you friends with Octavia?" Kayla asks, "I loved her, how is she doing?"

"Great!" Clarke nods, "she's engaged to a friend of ours, he's great, they're going to get married. They're so incredible for each other, a match made in heaven."

Kayla brings her hand to her heart and smiles. "That's awesome please give them my best wishes. She was always such an incredible kid."

"She still is." Clarke nods. "However, I think Bellamy just might be the better Blake."

~~~

"Clarke, this is crazy." Bellamy huffs, laying on his king size bed, setting his cellphone on the bedside table. He's been settled in the bed now for a good fifteen minutes. During the day they went to the market and then continued on to the park. Of course made Clarke's desperate stop for fuzzy handcuffs and he can't help but wonder if he wasn't doing it for her. Maybe she needed to spice it up in order to keep herself entertained.

"It's not crazy, it's  _crazy hot."_  She corrects from the bathroom, staring herself down in the mirror. She's got on her new lacy lingerie, handcuffs at hand while she admires the way she looks. Never in her life had she been confident but the excitement of seeing what Bellamy's reaction was going to be fuelled the fire within her. Truth is, she always liked to be a little crazy, make eyes go wide. Lexa was never into that, she said it made her feel unsettled and uncomfortable. Before her, the next serious relationship had been Finn. Fresh out of high school her hair bleach blonde and wavy to the middle of her back. Bright blue eyes that world hadn't dared to touch or harm in anyway. And then everything fell downhill from there. Finn was crazy and fun. Drinking a little too much before hauling her up against the wall or his kitchen, kissing her until she couldn't breathe and thrusting into her until her legs were jelly. It's not that Bellamy wasn't good, he was  _really_ good. And he talked dirty in her ear while she buried herself into him. Clarke just craved something a little more, for lack of a better word, kinky. The first time Finn had brought out anything out of the ordinary, she kicked him away with a light slap to his cheek. She expected Bellamy to be unsure, but she knew the moment she walked out he would be begging for her.

"Just get in here and let me kiss you." He calls out, laughing slightly. Bellamy wasn't much for trying different things but he could tell Clarke was excited about this. Whatever she had planned, he went along with. He just wanted to make he happy. But when she strutted through the bedroom, swinging the handcuffs around her finger, wearing nothing but a lacy black bra and panties, he suddenly felt a little more excited. "Wow..." is all that escaped his lips.

"What?" Clarke slipped her hair over her shoulder and put a hand to her hips, "you like this?"

Her bra is tight and it pushed her chest up so her boobs were perky. It's where Bellamy's eyes drift first. He sits up accordingly, walking his eyes down her entire body. She's beautiful and captivating and all he wants is to hold her tightly and lay kisses over every inch of skin that she possess. "Holy fuck." He mumbles as she walks closer, sliding into his lap and wrapping her arms around his neck. The feeling of his jeans rough against her inner thighs.

"Don't worry," she states softly, her voice low. "We'll start off slow." Clarke leans into Bellamy, her hips tightly pressing into his as her lips maneuver along his neck.

"Slow?" Bellamy asks, digging his hands into her hips. "Fuck that." He laughs and agreeing, Clarke slid her hands beneath his t-shirt. He's hot and she knows it's all thanks to her. Bellamy is built and strong, she can finger ever single muscle with every indentation of his body. She slides the cotton above his head, waiting no time to pull his lips back to hers seductively. He tucks his hand around one breast and she breathes heavily into his lips by the form of his touch. Sneakily, Bellamy finds the clasp of her bra, unhooking it effortlessly. It slides down between them, seamlessly. Bellamy hoists her within his arms and throws her on the bed beneath him, moulding her body within his hands.

He begins just as he said he would, laying kisses sloppily against her skin as she holds her hands in his messy hair, driving him closer to her boy. "Bellamy," Clarke says breathily and when she says his name it's like he's falling even more in love. She can feel his body so tightly on top of her, his hands running across her bare chest, fondling her so a moan escapes her parted moist lips. "The 'cuffs Bell, grab the 'cuffs."

Bellamy pulls them from the bed and shakes his head, chuckling, but he can feel himself getting excited at the thought of dominating her entirely. He clips one around a single wrist and before taking the other one into his grasp, planting a kiss to the palm of her hand and quickly locking them up behind the bed post.

Clarke's hair lies out along the bed and her eyelids are already droopy. She can feel the fizzling feeling in her stomach when Bellamy drags his fingertips along the line of the panties. She lets out a loud sigh when Bellamy drags his lips along her lower torso. She clenches her muscles and he reaches up to relax her, holding on to her body so sweetly. Bellamy drags his teeth along the front hem of her lacy underwear and drags them down, enough to see her bear in front of him. He mumbles her name along her skin, picking the lube up beside the bed and applying generously. She's wet already, Bellamy had that affect on her, but he knew that this would drive her crazy. The sent of salted caramel fills the room and runs prickles all along Clarke's body. Her toes curl and she bites back her bottom lip, waiting for Bellamy's next move.

Bellamy applies the lube generously, feeling the heat radiate off of her. Bellamy rubs her smoothly, suggesting pressure to her clit. Clarke closes her eyes, her chest rising, preparing her for whatever was next. "You like that, princess?" Bellamy asks roughly, as he swirls his fingers along her. She nods, letting out a small moan. "I can't hear you."

She blows out air lightly and swallows harshly. "Yes, Bell. Please continue..." she trails off and he smirks. Inside he inserts one of his fingers, softly and then quickly, she quivers. Bellamy kisses her inner thighs leaving tender red marks along her skin. Bellamy creates faster movements, his heart beating rapidly in his chest.

Clarke's back arches, her breasts peeking up tightly while she bites down tightly along her lip. "Holy fuck." She mumbles as he inserts a second finger. He's moving so easily within her while he hardens in his pants. The bulge making its whereabouts known. Bellamy replaces his fingers inside of her for his tongue instead, lifting them to her mouth as she suckles sweetly. Despite her lack of clothing, she's dreadfully sweaty. Bellamy in normal daylight can make her hot. So the back that he's buried himself between his legs, his hands grasping onto her thighs, white knuckled. Here in the moonlight, the sweat on his back is glistening. If she could, she would hold onto his hair tightly and ride his face all the way until morning. But the cuffs restrain her, and her breaths are short and choppy.

"Bellamy!" She calls out as her body shudders lightly, she can feel it from the inside, her back arching further. Bellamy holds her down tightly, sucking away any reminisce of his fingers. "Take your god damn pants off and get  _on top of me!"_  She calls and he laughs, unzipping his jeans and sliding them over his hips to reveal a carved 'v' into his hip bones. He stands profound against his boxer briefs and Clarke grabs onto the edge of the bed, the sight of him turns her on farther.


	14. Puppy Love

When Bellamy wakes, Clarke's bare body is wrapped around his like a vine. Her head nuzzled into his chest like it's the only thing she's sure of. Her leg vining around his so tightly that it warms her inner thighs. Bellamy admires her small sleepy expression. A relaxed smile tugging slightly at the corner of her lips. Her eyelids pushed shut, her nose slightly turned up and the light freckles that cover her skin look like small butterfly kisses. He loved her so purely and would stay in that moment forever if he could.

The sunlight from the curtains creeks in and lines the room of striped rays. Bellamy touches his lips to the top of her forehead and her skin feels silky smooth. He tangles his fingers slightly in her hair, moving the sweaty stands out of her eyes. She sleeps with a smile. "Good morning, princess." He whispers as her eyes flutter open as if she knew he was watching her.  She lifts her lips up, begging for a sleepy kiss and obliges. "Sleepy girl, we should probably get up, it's already eleven."

Clarke mumbles to disagree, her voice hoarse. Her protest to stay still in that moment with their skin directly on against the other. "Nooo. Stay here, forever."

Bellamy turns himself over and she tries to follow his touch, pushing out her hands grabby-like. He grabs her hands, and kisses them, laying in front of her and their foreheads touch. "I have a surprise for you."

"Does it have anything to do with last night?" She asks, her eyes cracking open, trying to force away the sleep that's captivating her.

He chuckles. "No."

"Then I don't want it." Her eyes close again and moved her head to nuzzle into him.

"Come on, sleepy. You'll like it, I promise." He pleads, kissing her knuckles and hands before leading his lips on to hers.

~~~

With incredible talent, Bellamy gets Clarke out of bed. She wasn't an early riser by any means. He bribed her out of bed with neck kisses and pancakes waiting in the kitchen with extra whip cream, her favourite. Her messy whip cream kisses to his mouth before taking a long sip of organic orange juice. She couldn't help but laugh at the upturn of his nose when she said she prefers artificial. "It's all about the taste." She argues, "I don't care what stuff is in it." Bellamy rolls his eyes, falling even more with Clarke and her stubborn tendencies.

Bellamy took Clarke out to his silver Mercedes-Benz with the sky roof open and the windows rolled down. She was the kinda girl that loved any kind of adventure. It thrilled her. The unknown and indescribable. That's what Bellamy was, her most important adventure thus far. And something in his eyes screamed excitement every time he looked at her.

She sat shotgun, her hand dancing out the window, letting the wind blow her blonde hair over her shoulder. Without her knowing Bellamy looks over she's sunkissed, with raybans sitting on the brim of her nose. They're reflecting the few of the afternoon sky back into the universe for everyone to enjoy. Bellamy crawls his fingers to the inside of her thigh where her cut offs end. Continuing to look out the window, Clarke grabs onto his hand absentmindedly, rubbing her thumb in small circles. A comforting motion that killed Bellamy in every way possible. God damnit, he loved this girl.

When they pull up to a farm house, Clarke looks to Bellamy confused. Her eyebrows furrowed creating a small wrinkle that looks like a vine. Bellamy smiles and takes her hand, her skin hot as he kisses it. "I told you I had a surprise." He states simply and Clarke laughs.

"A farm?" She chuckles, rolling her eyes.

Clarke was more of a beach girl. A  _lets put on our swim suits and play beach volleyball till our legs are numb and there's sweat dripping from every crevice of our bodies_ kinda girl. The ones that sip too much beer and have a little too much fun and wear a little too small of bikini's for their own good. The girls that sit in the back of her friends old jeep with her flip flops making a squeaking sound every time she pushed her toes into the tip of the sponge.

Not being sure with the vibes that Bellamy is putting off, he comes around to her side of the car and helps her out. He takes her soft lean fingertips in his own and and walks her along the man made path that has been made by many visitors before. He kisses the top of her head and she leans on his shoulder as he walks her around the house. "So are you gonna tell me where we are?" She laughs.

"You'll see," he promises, "you'll see." A laugh escaping his lips. He can't help but to see the reaction that is about to consume all of Clarke. "Hello!" Bellamy hollers to a man and woman sitting in lawn chair sipping on beer with their feet sitting up on the cooler.

"Blaaaaake!" The man calls back, jumping up to his feet and welcoming both of them with a heavy grin. He's taller than Bellamy, by a foot or so, older too. With short blonde hair and dark green eyes. "How's it going? Glad to see you over in this neck of the woods."

Bellamy gives a stern handshake and a 'bro hug' before introducing Clarke. "This is my friend, Dr. Ryan Michaels, and his wife, Joannah." His wife comes following behind with two freshly cool beers. She's taller herself, with dark hair and dark features, handing off the drinks. Clarke smiling before taking a quick swig. Meeting new people was most certainly not her favourite thing but she bears it for Bellamy. "This is my girlfriend, Clarke."

"It's very nice to meet you." They exchange and Bellamy takes his hand on the small of her back, and pushes her forward to follow his friends. He's got his kid like smile on and Clarke knows he's planning something. She just can't figure it out. A strange sound pulls her attention from inside a newly built barn. She looks up to Bellamy, sounding almost like a baby cry but that's not it. Bellamy laughs at her puzzled expression. The doors to the barn open and Clarke heart almost falls into her stomach. A pact of puppies, cocker spaniel puppies to be exact. With mixed colours of browns and creams.

Clarke falls to her knees almost immediately being engulfed by small balls of fluff. They're licking her all over and climbing into her lap. The smile on her face says it all and Bellamy stands with his arms crossed, happy with his decisions. A breathy and totally in love Clarke looks up and she's got tears in her eyes, "oh my god." She cries. "Bellamy, oh my god!"

Everyone chuckles and he kneels down beside hand and with a smug look on his face. Bellamy places a kiss to the side of his head as he too, gets engulfed in puppy kisses. "You wanna pick one out?" He asks and Clarke slaps him.

"You're not serious!" She bites the inside of her cheek as the tiniest puppy manages itself on Clarke's foot, immediately falling asleep.

Bellamy chuckles. "I'm serious, pick one out. Already yours. When you head home to Vancouver, someone is going to have to keep you company."

Her heart melts and she sees Bellamy for who he truly is. A big old softie and he had the power to hold her heart in a single hand. He could crush it any moment, that's the impact he had on her. Instead he held it carefully and caressed it when she wasn't looking. Kept it closely in his pocket, scared that he would lose it. Treated it like his prized possession that no one should ever touch, and if someone did he would take them down. No one would hurt her, they wouldn't dare to try.

He made her a better person. She pulled out the good in him. The parts that you wouldn't see unless you uncovered the layers of a messy child. Removed the dirt and the scuff and more importantly the scars. She knew he had a problem with drugs when he was in highschool. No one knew that. She know he turned to prescription pain killers after Gina died. And she knew the things that made his brain whirl with wonder. She just understood him. And she loved him, in every part.

She loved him when they were cuddled up on the couch, their limbs tangled together while she lay enthused with whatever romantic comedy was on while he stared at her so vibrantly. She loved him when he woke up before her, to surprise her with food even though she let on she hated it. She loved when he added the sugar she so desperately needed in her coffee, despite his disagreement. She loved him in colours that didn't exist, ones she had yet to experience. She loved him in words that she didn't know the meaning of. She loved him in the bottom of her pockets where she kept him for safe keeping. She loved him in sunshine and in rainfall. She saw him in the darkest of nights and the brightest of days. That's how she defined their love. In small moments that added up to so much more.

That night Clarke laid cuddled against Bellamy, a small puppy with caramel dipped ears and big eyes than screamed for love and affection. Lapping her tongue against Clarke's fingertips which pulled a smile from her lips. Bellamy watched her peacefully as she rubbed the fur on the top of the puppies head. "Are you gonna name her?" Bellamy chuckles, "or is she just gonna be noname?"

"She's not a Walmart brand!" Clarke laughs in return, leaning up to kiss his lips lightly. Small little pecks. "I was thinking more  _Louis Vuitton._ " A stupid grin grows at her lips not being able to hold it back.

Bellamy pushes his lips to her forehead as the moonlight fills the room in a soft covered blanket. The way it covers her cheekbones and he lays there as her eyes flutter shut, becoming consumed by the desire of sleep. Bellamy's lips touch her forehead one last time as he scoots his body closer, erasing the space between them. It's only a better of time before he's gone as well, dreaming of a life he would one day have.


	15. Six

The rest of the week went as quickly as it came. Bellamy had to do a few call in shifts, and high left Clarke moping around his apartment. Lining the countertops with her fingertips while holding their puppy close against her chest. She did have a name, still, and Bellamy was pressuring to pick one. But she shrugged off his boy-like qualities, kissing him sweetly before he left for work. Rubbing her knuckles against the scruff that was beginning to grow in across his jaw. She loved it, made him look older and more mature. When her wore his glasses it threw her over the edge, a contagious smile gleaming from her lips. 

 

Two days later Bellamy, Clarke and their unnamed fur baby made their way the airport, luggage in tow. Clarke was excited to go back home and feel the sand wiggle

between her toes. And as stupid as it sounded she couldn't wait to get behind the bar again. Making strange concoctions. However, on the trip she had been doing a lot of drawing. Sketching out the fine line of Bellamy's jaw while he fell asleep at the side of the pool. His lips softly parted while his eyelids fluttered so carefully.

 

When they reached the airport, Bellamy quickly checked their bags and met Clarke by security. "What do you mean, that's ridiculous!" Clarke was making a low grumble in her voice, the one she had when she was annoyed. Her arms crossed as she stared down the overbuilt security guard. She held the small puppy in her purse.

 

Bellamy hoped in behind her, wrapping his hand around her waist. "What's the problem?"

 

"We can't let the dog on without special accommodations. Only therapy and service dogs allowed." He says so nonchalantly like reading it right out of a pamphlet.

 

After bickering back and forth between Bellamy and security for a solid fifteen minutes and switching their seats not once, but twice, they're finally able to board the plane. Clarke is clearly frazzled and annoyed and only giving short answers. 'Yes.' 'No.' 'Sure.' 'Whatever.' Bellamy held her close for comfort but not even that was able to make her feel better within the moment. Her fingers gripped tightly into her palms. "Name?" The guard asked.

 

Clarke huffed, "Griffin... Clarke."

 

The guard wandered his eyes up. "The dog."

 

"The dog?" Bellamy and Clarke ask in unison.

 

"The dog, we need the dogs name."

 

Bellamy looks to Clarke and she's huffing, trying not to put on a show, but absolutely beside herself with how difficult this whole thing could be. He nudged her forward and she snarled. Clarke didn't like to be rushed on things, poked or prodded. Bellamy awaited her reaction with tight lips.

 

Clark made an exasperated sigh and looked up to the gate number. "Six." She states plainly, relaying the number above her. "Her name is Six." The guard shakes his head and writes down the three letters before pushing them through with a tag around the dogs next.

 

It made for an interesting ride, that's for sure. Holding the dog tightly on her lap, brushing her fingertips through her wavy fur. Bellamy watched her from the outside seat, lining her lips with his eyes and examining every freckle upon her clean complexion. She didn't say much for the flight, snacked on crackers and stared out the window as they soared through the clouds. Her eyes small and tired until she fell asleep on her own shoulder. The puppy, now named Six, curled up into her lap. Bellamy pressed his lips to her temple, softly, not to wake her, before taking a nap himself.

 

Later that evening and a long flight later, Bellamy and Clarke met up with their friends at Lincolns apartment. She was in a much better mood than before but still not feeling herself. It was like the moment she smelt the ocean air she perked up and was filled with energy. She was happy to be home and see her friends. Since her mother cut her off, they were really the only family she had.

 

Octavia wastes no time gathering Clarke and Bellamy both into a hug, planting kisses on each of their cheeks. She takes the puppy from Clarke and kisses it's face before telling Lincoln that she wanted one. "There's my best bartender!" Lincoln calls out ignoring Octavia and her weird requests.

 

"Hey!" Harper and Echo choke in unison then beginning to laugh. Both tipsy on whatever liquor had been passed around.

 

Murphy is leaned back against the leather couch and Raven is sat between his legs. Much more intimate than the two usually were in public. One hand scratched at her shoulder and his other flew in the air. "Ladies, you're hot in those little black dresses but lets be honest, Clarke can make a better drink than the both of you together."

 

Clarke snickers and walks into her group of friends, plopping herself into the couch while Bellamy gets them a drink from the fridge. Niylah sits to the side, giving Clarke a soft, but friendly smile. "How was your trip?" Someone asks from the group.

 

"Good." Clarke nods, shortly, taking the beer from Bellamy as he plops down beside her, wrapping his arm tightly across her. She tells small little stories about their trip, how she almost got lost on the subway and how they got stuck in an elevator for 25 minutes all because Bellamy decided to try the 'out of order' one anyway. She shows them pictures of the skyline but makes sure to point out that it's nothing like home. "What did we miss?"

 

"Not much." Harper shrugs drunkly. "Not much happens here especially only in a week."

 

"Speak for yourself." Echo hisses. "Our good friends Murphy and Raven here have been banging for the past several months and decided that we weren't worthy of being apart of their love story."

 

Raven rolls her eyes. "And yes, Echo, because you tell us about every sexual encounter that you have the pleasure of."

 

"I do, you guys just suck at listening." She scoffs.

 

Clarke reaches up and grabs onto Bellamy's fingers hanging off of her shoulder. The slight connection warming Bellamy through his entire body. He kisses the side of her head softly as she sips at her drink.

 

Octavia climbs over the back of the couch, plopping herself down and leaning against Clarke. "Can you believe my best friend and my big brother are dating?" She says to stir up the silence. Echo rolls her eyes and Niylah had to hold her breath. "Who would've thought, Clarke! You could become a Blake."

 

"Lets not go there." Bellamy laughed his cheeks turning light blush pink.

 

Clarke avoids eye contact with her friends in the room. "Where is six?"

 

"Oh she's fine! Cuddling with Chewy in the office." Octavia chimes. "But honestly, daddy wants to meet for dinner, Clarke! I told him about you and big brother, and he wants to meet up!"

 

Bellamy chokes. "No way, O. I'm sorry. Not happening."

 

Monty has turned the music up so the Blake's can discuss their issues while the rest of them down the rest of their drinks before going for another. Clarke scouts out Niylah. She's sober as hell, and clearly not wanting to be here. But with the love and thanks of her sweet roommate Octavia, was dragged for a good time! Yes. Clarke loved Bellamy, was absolutely head over heels. But there was something that made Clarke want to jump to her and crawl in her lap and tell her she was sorry. There was absolutely nothing to sorry for, but leaving her so suddenly and jumping into the comfort of someone else was definitely not how it should've ended. Niylah catches her staring and smiles, it's okay. She mouthed. You can be happy.

 

"It's my favourite restaurant, Bell. If not do it for you, do it for me. Do it for Clarke."

 

Bellamy rolled his eyes as Clarke sat awkwardly in the middle. "I am doing it for Clarke, that's why we won't be going. Were you not there for last time?" Between the bickering Clarke finds her feet and slides into the kitchen which locks her away from the immediate noice. Her head pulsating since they arrived.

 

"He's good, isn't it?" A voice calls which makes her jump. Echo stands, hoisting herself onto the countertop. Her bare feet grip at the cabinet doors.

 

"Excuse me?" Clarke pours herself a glass of water to slurp back.

 

"Bellamy." She says stalely. "He's good, isn't he?"

 

"By the sounds of it, you already know." Clarke crosses her arms, chewing on the inside of her cheek. A nervous habit she had since highschool.

 

Echo chuckles maliciously, almost doing a A+ Maleficent impression. "You're right." She agrees. "And I'm just waiting for you to break up so I can get all over that." Clarke can't tell if it's a promise or a threat, or both.

 

"That's right, I forgot you're into my sloppy seconds. Too bad it won't be happening this time." The tension is rising and Clarke knows that if she had as much of one more drink in her she would be pulling at her hair and kicking her down.

 

Echo chokes on her drink. "That's funny, Griffin. Cause if you don't remember, Bellamy is actually my sloppy seconds." She smiles widely, her white teeth blurring into something familiar like chiclets.

 

"My apologies." Clarke dumps the rest of her water in the skin, leaving it on the edge. "In that case, Niylah is looking pretty lonely. Check mate." It takes a minute for Echo to understand but by the time she does, Clarke has already found Bellamy and is tugging at him arm while him and Lincoln discuss some business venture. "Babe." She whispers softly near his ear but he's laughing too hard to realize. Clarke grasps his hand. "Babe I'm going home."

 

Bellamy looks over his shoulder, placing a quick peck to her lips. He's downed a few drinks now, and his eyes have turned a soft hum of red. "I'll come." He offers but Clarke pushes him back into the seat.

 

"It's okay, I just need some rest." She assures, drawing her lips to his once more. "You can come over later, I'll leave the door unlocked." She says and she's only half sure that Bellamy retained the information.

 

"I love you." He says and it pulls a genuine smile straight from her lips.

 

"I love you so much." Clarke leans her forehead against Bellamy's before walking away, scratching her fingertips against his arm. She collects her purse along with Six and makes her way home.

 

Her place is dark and seems untouched except for the odd glass on the counter and a sweater lying across the arm chair. Raven had been staying with Murphy a few blocks down and really didn't have a reason to be home except for a change of clothing. Clarke wasted no time striping into the comfort of flannel shorts and an a oversized t-shirt.

 

With Six in her hands, she snuggled into bed, wrapping herself in her worn in sheets. This was home. Toronto was nice, but there was comfort in the things she knew. Like how on Tuesday evening Mr. Walker, the little only man a few doors down, would take his dog Pippy on a walk around the complex and he would give her a gummy grin. Or how on Friday nights if you sat on the rooftop you could see the lights of BC Place light up along the water. Or if you went to Grandville Island before 11am on any weekday you could get free samples of Mary's homemade Cookie Dough and iced coffee. (Clarke wasn't an early riser, but she liked knowing it was there.) She liked that she worked with her friends and that she had everything she could ever need at her fingertips. Clarke liked that when you went to the movie theatre on a Monday at the latest show time you'd most likely be the only one there, and if you batted your eyes a few times at the highschool boys and stuck out your chest a bit you could manage an extra free refill on the popcorn. Her life was by no means perfect, but everything was as it should be. And when Bellamy left in three days to return to his penthouse apartment she prayed that he would come back just as soon. He was holding precious cargo, after all, her heart was in his hands.


	16. Cuddle Buddy

Later than night, Bellamy was a little too drunk for his own good. But he was surrounded by his sister and her friends and most certainly wasn't the drunkest one there. That award slid nicely into the palm of Harper's hands once she began to cry because she spilt the salt shaker. "It's not fair!" She wailed out, "the salt lake deserves better!" That's when Monty pulls her to the office, convincing her to lie down and get some rest. Placing a blanket over her shoulders and tucking her in, placing a small peck of the lips to her head before returning to his friends.

Echo and Octavia had their arms linked while downing shots of tequila and Niylah has given in to the first drink. Everyone a foggy haze as they cheer for the alcohol. Octavia falls lazily against Lincoln and he wraps his arms around her, placing a kiss to the back of her head. Raven is sitting on the counter while she forces another drink in Niylah's hands.

Clarke had left a few hours ago and had been sleeping the entire time. Snuggled up in her sheets with Six in her arms. The two of them living in a dream like sequence. With the night running late and people starting to crash the get-together was only stringing along. Raven and Murphy headed out first, hand in hand while Octavia drunkly mocked their cuteness. "You're one to talk, Blake!" Raven laughed back before kissing Murphy and heading out the door.

Monty crawled into the office with Harper along the couch, nuzzled close to her as she let out a soft moan. Niylah snuck away back to her own apartment without anyone really realizing. Echo slipped on her sweater and converse, hugging Octavia before slipping through the door. "You're drunk." Bellamy muttered as she snuck out the door, him shortly behind her.

"So are you." Echo's cheeks were a flushed red colour.

Bellamy licks his lips, scaling the situation. "Let me walk you home. It's late."

She laughed as the entered the elevator. "I can handle myself." Ironically she trips and Bellamy has to catch. She doesn't do it on purpose but soon thanks herself for it.

"Yeah I don't think you can." He smiles widely and lets out a low laugh. And Echo nods, giving in, letting him walk her home as they both wreak of intoxication.

They fumble outside and Echo is laughing hysterically about something that doesn't make sense. The sky a dark blue curving around the city line. After a few wrong turns and more than a few stumbles Bellamy has walked Echo to the door of her building. She has a bright smile spread across her face, pushing up her cheeks and she enters the key code in the door. A light flashes and she pushes through, grabbing on to Bellamy's hand. "Hey," he starts but Echo puts her index fingers to his lips.

"Shhhhh," she soothes, pulling him closer and his body falls closely against hers.

"Echo-" he tries again but her eyes have gone dark with a mischievous look which seems to cut him off before he can even start.

She shakes her head, throwing her long dark hair over her shoulder and his eyes fall to the v-neck shirt that's hugging her body tightly. He's somehow fallen in to her drunken trance of good looks and a sultry smile. Echo has wrapped her arm around his neck so she's leaning up to his lips. Bellamy doesn't urge forward, but he doesn't have to. She has already locked her lips against his, nipping the skin between her teeth. She lines her fingers along his jawline and he follows without even noticing. His feet following against hers as she's falling back into the elevator walls, pulling Bellamy close. His lips are soft and familiar and tainted with alcohol. The taste sends electric like shocks through her body. The ones she hadn't felt since he last left.

It takes no time at all before she has him wrapped around her finger and more exact, her body. She's slipped her key to the apartment, crashing through, and tripping on the shoes danced along the floor. He picks Echo up, she quickly wraps her legs around him, throwing her sweater off and sliding her hands under her shirt, stripping it off seamlessly. Her skin is soft and warm and reminds him of something he can't quite put his finger on.

When he's lying her across the bed, placing kisses to her neck it's when he stops. Suddenly his vision clearing for a moment. Echo notices the hesitation, quickly running her hands under his shirt to remove his clothing. Placing a hot and deep kiss into his mouth, which he melts into. The rest of their clothing is removed before their bodies are hot against each other and Bellamy's lost his train of thought. His lips tug on hers and her tongue skins the line of his bottom lip. Bellamy's curls fall into his eyes slightly as he hovers overtop of her body, her fingers lining the curves she so vividly remembers.

In the morning, the bright light seeps through the curtains blinding Bellamy's morning vision. His eyes shoot open before tightly closing, covering his view with the shadow of his hand. Echo snuggles closer, her body is clammy as she deepens her head against against his chest. Lips slightly parted so the way she breathes out warms his skin. Bellamy's eyes wander to the girl beside him and when he finds her dark hair draped along her shoulder his heart skips a thousand beats. Immediately he jumps up, throwing his hands in his hair as he searches for his boxers and the rest of his clothing. He makes soft mumbles as Echo groans from the bed. The alarm clock flashing a 7:05 brightly.

"Leaving so soon?" She says groggily, sitting up slightly, pulling the sheet along her chest.

Bellamy ignores her as he slips on his jeans followed with his shirt. He mutters several curse words. "You better not say anything." He warns, turning to face her. She looks like a goddess in this lighting so he has to hold his breath.

Echo's face scrunches slightly, her lips turning down. "What do you mean?" She breathes out harshly from her nose.

"Clarke can't find-" he huffs and Echo is immediately rolling her eyes. "Clarke can't find out this happened."

"What? Until the next time you come crawling back? Should've thought about that last night before you were moaning my name over and over." She reminds.

"Shut up, Echo!" His voice comes out deep and course which makes her eyes widen into an uneasy expression. She licks her lips, and lets out a shaky breath, most like the ones from last night. Maybe it just hurt to be a second choice, time and time again.

She doesn't put in any effort to stop him, in fact she crawls out of the bed and into the shower so she doesn't have to watch him leave. Every person she ever had feelings for, always left. Whether it was for another girl or just because. It didn't hurt any less over time, in fact it might've hurt a bit more. Her walls thickening up and her shoulders becoming stiff as she wiped away her tears.

Bellamy sneaks into Clarke's apartment with a coffee from the local shop downstairs. Two sugars and two creams with one shot of caramel. If he knows anything about Clarke, it's that she won't be up for awhile, but this would be sure to butter her up. Shes probably curled with knees to her chest, hair messily covering her freckled face. He walks into the dimly lit room where curtains cover the windows and he sneakily dips into Clarke's room.

Just as predicted she's curled up with the puppy, blankets falling over her shoulders. A small snore escaping from her lips which makes Bellamy forget about everything for a moment. She looks beautiful, even with her messed up hair and her baggy eyes. He sets the coffee at her side table, sitting along her side of the bed. Her body cut out from under the sheets, he runs his hand along her shoulder. "Clarke." He whispers, leaning to her cheek to place a kiss. "Babe?"

She's asleep, softly but nothing could wake her up. When he realizes this, he takes a heavy breath. He watches her breath escape her lips, making the fur on Six flutter softly. Clarke's chest rises and falls and he admires it for a minute. The soft relaxation of her simply just living. And he feels guilt rise from inside of him.

Last night, had to of been a nightmare. How could he have done that when he had something so perfect waiting for him. Her soft skin and sweet smile, why would he fall into such a nasty trap. He grinds his teeth at the thought and shuffles his hand tightly in his hair. Stupid, stupid, stupid. His heart racing and he feels like it's wrecked the most importantly thing in the world. His eyebrows tightly connecting in the middle of his forehead. His stomach flips and he feels as if he's on the verge of tears.

It's in that moment when Bellamy feels Clarke touch along his shoulders. Her lips touching briefly along his shoulder overtop of his t-shirt. Her arms wrap around his torso tightly as she presses her cheek into his back. She's warm and comforting but at the same time, it makes him extremely uneasy. Like his inside shaking, about to erupt from the inside out. "Morning." She mutters, her cheeks hot as she cuddles into him more deeply.

A tear threatens at his eye but he wipes it away. Clarke is too groggy to notice. "I brought you a coffee." He says softly and she mistakes it for his hangover voice.

"You're too good to me." She giggles and Bellamy sighs as she picks up the coffee and takes a sip. "Come cuddle." She pulls him down beside her after replacing the coffee back to the table.

"Yeah," he chuckles nervously. "Cuddling sounds good."


	17. Mistakes

Clarke lazily traced patterns with her fingertips along Bellamy's chest. He fell asleep in her arms fairly quickly but she was too mesmerized to do anything but watch his eyelids flutter. Two days left. That's all she had. Two days left of Bellamy's lazy morning voice and his little crooked smile. Two days left of his stupid remarks and feeling she got every time he walked into a room. Two days left of good morning kisses and cuddles while Netflix played in the background. Two days left of hand holds hugs so tight, nothing could touch her. Two more days until it was all over.

The plan for tonight was bowling after Harper's shift at the pub. Echo had no problem skipping out on this one. Her excusing including something along the lines of not wanting to make everyone look bad by her  _incredible bowl-mister skills_. Of course it was a cover for something so much more than that.

Bellamy and Clarke spent the rest of the day not able to take eyes off of each other. Between training Six and taking her out for pee breaks, Clarke was worn out. Bellamy had a nervous look to his face and Clarke poked at his expression as they lazed on the couch, eating frozen pizza. "What's wrong? Gonna miss me?"

He let out an exasperated breath, "don't get me started."

Clarke stretched her feet out along Bellamy's lap, wiggling her toes to get the feeling back. "Six months..." she mutters, swallowing a chunk of over cooked cheese. "Think we can do it?" She's being vulnerable, something she didn't enjoy. But something about Bellamy pulled it right out of her like a extra strength magnet.

A heavy breath escapes his lips. "That's why I got you Six." Clarke dug her heel into his leg and he lets out a soft chuckle. "I'll be back, sooner or later. Can't leave my girl unloved for that long."

A smile crawls at her lips but it's tainted with sadness. The thought of not seeing him for six months made her week. Her heart beating in uneasy slow patterns that made her wonder if she was even breathing. She could hold out for him, she was capable of waiting and holding on to nothing but FaceTime calls. She loved him, purely. The idea of him being her forever was something she had thought about a lot lately. She found herself wondering where they would be this time next year, or maybe even the one after that. Wondered if he would let the scruff on his face grow in. Wondering if her hands would always feel so good in his. If he moved here, would his skin glow even more?

Where would they be in five years? Would they be engaged? Married? Would he like to have that kinda life with her? Her life and heart so delicately placed in the palm of his hand to do with whatever he pleased. And she would let him do anything. Before, Clarke had never truly seen a forever. Had never seen her life past the end of the corner. Waiting for the next street light to tell her when to go. But now, Bellamy made it all different. She was now looking for pathways created by worn in shoes along grassy hills.

They decided to take Six for her first ever beach day. Clarke rocked a bikini top with a pair of high waisted shorts. Bellamy held her hand in his as the sun beat off of his bare chest. Six on a mesh that stretched out in front of them. Every few steps she would burry her snout into the sand searching for critters.

Bellamy and Clarke Parker themselves on the edge of the rocks so their feet danced in the water. The way the sunlight reflected off of her pale skin was like shifting an opal. Creative colours dancing from her eyes as she talked about her love of the ocean. The way small little ripples came in and hit her heals as she curled her toes. Imaging little fishes coming up to kiss her. Clarke held their tiny wet puppy close in her lap as they watched the sun sit midway in the sky.

Out of no where, in the middle of Clarke talking about something to do with the head, Bellamy opens his mouth. "I love you, Clarke." His voice is confident and she looks at him, puzzled.

"I love you, too?" She questions, leaning in to kiss him.

"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, you know that right?"

Clarke blushes and leans her head on his shoulder, agreeing in some sarcastic tone.  _Well duh!_ Or,  _we already went over this._  But Bellamy is too caught up staring at the freckles that peak on top of her nose to have any clue what she's saying. He meant it. He did. She was, by far, the biggest adventure he had explored. She was, by far, his best. The way she loved him so effortlessly, and acted as it were her only mission to do so.

My his stomach sat heavy with guilt. How did he mess this up so badly? How was he going to tell her? She wouldn't want to see him again, and he couldn't deal with the thought of that. He too, had pictured a life with Clarke. Living in a house just outside the city with a view of both the water and the mountains. Some place that had good path ways for her nightly  _I can't sleep_ walks. A place that they could call home and raise children. A little girl with his dark hair that fell messily in her eyes and a little boy with short blonde ringlets stuck to his head like noodles. He could picture a future with her but now it was a foggy blur.

Later that night, Bellamy and Clarke walked hand in hand into the bowling alley. Octavia was already there, setting up the station and tying her red and green bowling shoes. "I look like a Christmas tree!" She laughed, popping her feet into Lincolns lap. He laughed and rolled his eyes as he scraped his knuckles at her scalp. This triggered a laugh within her.

"Having fun without us?" Clarke chimes in after she's gathered her own bowling shoes. Bellamy is already tying his up. "Did you order drinks?"

Octavia shakes her head, "figured I'd better wait til the rest get here. We all know I'm the first one down."

Lincoln chuckles. "At least you can admit it."

Raven and Murphy walk in, his arm is wrapped around her and he's placing a kiss to her temple. Raven has a disfigured smile along her lips. Corners turned down. A quick swallow in her throat before she threw up a quick smile.

Clarke hops up to welcome Raven and Murphy lets a quick sigh break at his lips while getting their shoes. "You okay?" Clarke's eyebrows furrow and Raven nods. "You sure?"

Raven cracks a large smile. "Absolutely. Now, where's the alcohol." In reality, Raven wasn't okay. Echo had just finished crying with Raven, expressing that she slept with Bellamy the night before. She was sworn to secrecy, but of course told Murphy the moment she saw him, bursting into a mix of angry tears. Some with Echo, most with Bellamy. Clarke was finally happy, the smile on her face said it all. Since Lexa, she was able to be happy and carefree. She was herself again, she able to laugh again. She was no longer stuck in the past. She was living for the future. And Bellamy just screwed that all up.

Jackson and Miller, and Harper and Monty show up. They waste no time ordering drinks and getting straight to the game. Every time Clarke hit a pin, Bellamy would lean his lips to her forehead gently. And every time, Raven felt sick to her stomach. Murphy hard to hold her back from getting up and screaming in his face.   After something of such betrayal, how  _dare_ he touch her like that. How  _dare_ he try to hurt her after everything she had come from.

Bellamy left to order another round of drinks and Clarke is on her own turn, the ball rolling down and hitting the middle three pins. Raven grabs at Murphy's hand. "I can't let him get away with this." She pulled back her bottom lip. So unsure of what to do, only knowing she had to do something.

"Not here, Raven. Wait."

"Wait?!" She chokes out. "Til when? There's never going to be a good time, and Bellamy sure as hell isn't going to tell her." Raven grinds her teeth and Murphy understands that she's completely and entirely caught up in a mess.

Murphy holds on to her hand, squeezing at her fingertips and a tear rolls down her face. "Just hold it out, please?"

Raven lets out a shaky breath and that's when they notice Clarke, placing herself beside Raven, a hand on her shoulder. "Are you okay?" She's soft and gentle and the smile that she's worn all evening falls from her lips.

"She's fine." Murphy chokes out before Raven has a chance to do so.

Clarke began to chew on the inside of her cheek. No one spoke for Raven, ever. Something was wrong. "What happened?"

Raven had to fight back tears before having the ability to look at Clarke. "It's Bellamy." Her voice is hoarse and Clarke has to replay it again in order to understand what she said.

"Bellamy?" Clarke's voice comes out as a chuckle and Murphy throws his head into his heads mumbling a series of  _oh shits_ and  _fucks._

Raven lets out a harsh sigh. "Yeah. Bellamy fucked up."

Clarke, confused as ever looks around for Bellamy. "What do you mean?" That's when he walks in, handing Clarke a beer, and she takes it from her but hesitating.

Raven can't look him in the eyes. She shakes her head and suddenly Bellamy is the one questioning everything. Suddenly the eyes of all their friends are glued to Bellamy. Even his sister has her lips pursed wondering what is about to fall from Raven. "Are you sure you wanna do this?" Murphy whispers in her ear and she takes a deep breath.

"Bellamy slept with Echo." The reaction is nothing like she expected. Clarke just sits there and shrugs. Bellamy's face is shot red colour his hand begins to shake.

"Yeah, we know that. Before we got together him and Echo slept together, not that it matters now-"

Raven cuts her off. "No. Clarke, last night he slept with Echo. While you were curled up in bed waiting for him to join you he was fucking Echo back at her place." A tear falls from her eyes and she had to look away from Clarke.

Clarke freezes up and she stands, joining Bellamy. "Is that true." Tears are welling up in her eyes and her skin is starting to become splotchy. Betrayal laying in her palms with nothing else but searching for an answer that she truly doesn't want.

"I..." Bellamy breathes out and he doesn't have to say anymore. She already knows. "I can explain."

But her chest falls heavy and the room becomes silent. Like the air has turned to ice and any wrong intake will cut up your lungs. Clarke runs out, tears pouring from her eyes and Bellamy's about to chase her but Murphy grabs his arm, tightly. "Don't." Is all he says and Bellamy knows he's right. To follow her wouldn't help anything so instead it's Harper who runs after Clarke. Attempting to pick up the pieces that she dropped and lost behind her.


	18. Ticking Time

Harper drove Clarke home, and she collected his stuff putting it at the door anticipating his arrival. His flight was the next day but he certainly wouldn't be staying with her. If he had of denied it, it would've made her feel maybe slightly better. Maybe it was a joke, maybe it never happened. Maybe she heard it wrong. But no, he didn't hesitate to say he could explain. He didn't hesitate to defend himself. He didn't hesitate to attempt to soften the blow. The look on his face said it all. Said that he was, in fact guilty. The fact that it came from Raven only proved it further. She wouldn't lie. But she didn't think Bellamy would either.

His 'I love you's' meant nothing. If you love someone, you don't sleep with their mortal enemy. You just... you don't do that. Clarke sat on the couch with Harper beside her and when the knock at the door came around 9pm that evening Clarke stayed still. Just as she had. A blank expression laid across her face as if she were completely and utterly frozen. Harper got the door and didn't say a word as it crept open. The air turned cold and Bellamy stood in the door way strong at his suitcase. Six went running into Clarke's lap and as much she wanted to turn her away, she didn't. She picked her up and held her softly in her lap, a tear escaping her eyes and falling onto the tip of Six's nose. "Clarke." Bellamy's deep voice echoed as he caught the glimpse of the back of her head.

She flinched at the sound of his deep voice. The same voice she grew to love and care for so deeply. But she wasn't able to turn to look at him.

"Please," he took a deep breath, his voice becoming nothing more than a quiver. "Let me explain."

Harper extends her arm in front of him, pushing against his chest to avoid the steps that he's started to take. Another tear fell from Clarke as she closed her eyes. She doesn't say anything.

"Clarke, I love you." He chokes out and she can hear the pain in his voice. But he's feeling nothing compared to the pain that is filling in her chest.

Harper laughs regretfully and turns around. She can't look at him. The disgust running through the air. "You love me?" Clarke whispered almost to herself but it's loud enough that Bellamy hears the crack in her voice.

"Of course I love you." He jumps over the bag on the floor and falls onto the couch beside her.

When Clarke sees his face for the first time, she knows he had been crying. The curl of his lips are low and heavy. And the way his shoulders slouch forward are enough to let her know that he's regretful. His skin is red and splotchy, bags already beginning at the bottom on his eye. "What did you do, Bellamy?" She looks him in the eyes and the pain that they're exchanging in just short glances is enough that could break any iceberg. He knows he made a mistake. It's evident, but there is nothing he could say or do to make her fell better. He couldn't fix her, not this time.

"I made a mistake." He's analyzing her face tying to read what she's thinking but for the first time he can't. For the first time, the freckles on her face are unfamiliar. The blue in her eyes are something he can't recognize which makes him feel even more uneasy. The girl he loves was not sitting here, she had left. She was checked out. "I fucked up."

"You fucked someone else." Her expression is bland as she swallows harshly. "You fucked  _Echo._ " It's what triggers another tear to fall and Bellamy reaches her her hand but she pulls it away. Six scoots from her lap and runs off to find Harper.

"It didn't mean  _anything."_ Bellamy's voice comes out a cold whisper.

"I trusted you, Bellamy. With very part of me, I ran to you with love and trust. You lost that when you crawled into bed with her."

"I was drunk." He protests but she shakes her head.

Her expression is cold as she sniffs back the pain that he has forced upon her. "If you can't remember that you love me when you're drunk, how are you gonna remember you love me when you're across the country." She reaches out to graze his shoulder with her fingertips.

He closes his eyes at her touch, soft and delicate. Familiar and wanted. She slides them away and a tear trickles down his cheek. Clarke leans up to touch her lips softly to his. Just one last time. He shakes under her breath and when he tugs at her lips to deepen their kiss, she pulls back. "Please don't do this." Bellamy mumbles.

Clarke takes in a deep breath. "You already have."

It was the last time she would see Bellamy. As his dark eyes drifted across her apartment, wandering to the door and collecting his things. He stopped at the door for a minute before Harper continued to push him out. "I'm sorry, Clarke." He swallowed tightly before continuing out the door. Her heart cold and unable to look at him as walked through the door and out of her life. So simply and so quickly. The thing she had feared the most from the very start.

~~~

Following the next six months, Clarke's life took a complete change. Raven moved in with Murphy and Clarke moved in with Niylah. Nothing more than roommates at first. But I'm the nights when Clarke couldn't sleep, she would crawl into Niylah's bed and burry her nose in the crook of her neck. The heat radiating from off of her smooth skin and comforting Clarke to slumber. More times than not they would wake up tangled within each others grasp. As if nothing had ever changed. As if Bellamy never walked into her life. He came and left, and that's all it was. 

In the early morning of Octavia and a Lincoln's of wedding day Clarke was up and in the kitchen making a pot of fresh coffee. Niylah rose groggily from bed and walked softly into kitchen, in nothing but black bra and panties. "You're up early."

Clarke peaked over her shoulder. "Since when is 5am early?" She joked, "Octavia demanded we meet her at the hotel by 6am sharp."

Niylah poured a cup of coffee and mixed in her almond milk. "I wanna talk about today." She mumbled slurping along the hot liquid.

"And?" Clarke hopped upon the counter. She was in sweatpants and a band tee, all the bridesmaid dresses were already in possession of Octavia. The bridesmaids were meeting at the Coast Plaza Hotel a few blocks down from their apartment in order to get ready for the big day ahead. Lincoln's groomsmen were meeting at the apartment and then heading towards stanly park, right by the water for the ceremony. Bellamy amongst them.

"I don't except anything from either of us. We aren't together. We are purely here to make each other feel good."

Clarke tilted her head and elongated her arms to reach for Niylah. "Where is this coming from? Why are you nervous?" Clarke set her coffee down and rested her arms on Niylah's shoulders. Her skin was chilled from the air conditioning blowing above them but it didn't stop Clarke from kissing her forehead.

"Bellamy is gonna be here today. And I just... if you see him, and you want to forgive him, don't let me get in the way of that."

"Niylah, I'm-" Clarke begins but Niylah quickly cuts her off by placing a soft little kiss to her lips which Clarke quickly deepened.

"Please." She whispered against her skin, softly.

Clarke regretfully nodded. "Nothing is going to happen."

Niylah knew Clarke. She knew her very well. She knew that she preferred Advil to Tylenol and Coke to Pepsi. She knew that on her days off she liked to lay out along the beach, the wind in her hair. When she was on her period she would make hot chocolate and watch Gilmore Girl reruns while snuggled in bed with Six laying on her abdomen. Using the dog as a personal heating pad. Niylah knew her greatest fears and her deepest secrets. She knew the soft spots along her collarbone, and what it took to make her scream. She knew her, inside and out, and prided herself in that.

But they were not forever, and Niylah knew that. She knew that no matter how much Clarke said she loved being with her, she would always end with someone else. She knew that she would need someone of strength and stability who could keep her safe and protect her in ways she couldn't. After Bellamy left, Clarke fell into a downward spiral of depression. It took weeks and several therapy sessions to get her back on her feet. And of course, the help of her friends. Of course Niylah holding her in the middle of the night until she fell asleep, numbed the pain, but it was more than that.

She knew weeks before that, when Bellamy would be back in Vancouver, Clarke would fall for him again. She would see his dark eyes and  _know_ that he was it. She would get that forever feeling in her stomach and whatever happened in the past, was the past. Bellamy tried reaching out, but Clarke shut him down because it hurt too much.

As much as Niylah valued the last six months of midnight cuddles and flirty hook ups and soft kisses, seeing Bellamy would change everything for Clarke. For the both of them.

Echo and Clarke got together over drinks and she apologized for the mess she caused. Clarke told her to forget it happened, if he did it once, he would do it again. But Echo tried to explain, it was her fault, said it was her mess, and Bellamy just got caught in the middle of it. Echo was welcomed back into the friend group by Clarke. And their weekly Thursday drinks became prominent again in everyone's schedule.

Harper had broken up with Monty, regretfully, but it was better for the both of them. He didn't support her happy-go-lucky type of lifestyle and she gave him the ultimatum. Accept it or don't. And he didn't, claiming someone that would one day be his wife couldn't be slurring her words around at every public outing. It was hard but for the past few months Harper had been having more fun than she ever had. And everyone was silently happy to get rid of Monty. She moved into a house that her grandparents normally rented out on the south side of the city, not too far from where they already were. For a clean slate after two years, she dyed her hair bleach blonde and got a new job at the local gym as a personal trainer. As much as Clarke missed her best friend, she knew it was for the best. So Clarke picked up more shifts and started looking in Medical School again.

Life had changed drastically for each one of their friends. Raven was promoted to head supervisor at their firm. Murphy was going back to school for political sciences. Niylah was still working full time at the veterinary hospital but too, was promoted with a pay raise. Octavia and Lincoln were getting married, obviously. However we're talking about selling the pub and buying a house with the money. Echo was teaching Martial Arts classes at the community centre as a second job. Jackson and Miller finally made it official. Jackson was working with Clarke's mom as her apprentice and as much as she hated it, she was happy for her friend. Everything seemed to be falling back into place.

However Bellamy was still caught up on Clarke. He said he moved on, but he didn't. Hooking up with girls to numb the pain but it only made him feel more lonely in the morning when they would be gone. It was evident that he would never have feelings for someone the way he had feelings for Clarke. He thought about her every day, dreamt of her nearly every night. The mole above her lip and the way her eyes sparkled like none other. The way her laugh made a million butterflies rise from within him and made him feel like a kid. Little things reminded him of her, like too sweet of coffee or cinnamon hearts. Often thinking he saw her face in a crowd but every single time, it was no one more than a stranger. He knew he had to make it right when he saw her again. He just prayed that she would let him.


	19. I Need You

"To friends, and to family, and to friends that feel like family!" Octavia chimed holding up a tall skinny glass of champagne. Her dress was long and sleek to her body, a bright white colour that made her bright eyes beam. Lacy off the shoulder sleeves hugged her tightly with her hair dark and curled. She looked like a 1950's movie star ready to walk the red carpet and blow minds left and right. The girls stood in a circle around Octavia. Niylah was her maid of honour, along side her Harper and Clarke as her bridesmaids. Raven Echo joined them for drinks and preparation of getting her friends ready as well as Gaia, Lincoln's little sister and his mother, Indra. The bridesmaids wore burgundy cocktail dresses with a sweetheart neckline which matched the theme of the wedding perfectly. Octavia held a bouquet of burgundy roses while the girls held white. Burgundy had been her mothers favourite colour, everything was laced in the colour. The curtains, the flowers, the bed sheets. Everything. This little reminder of her mother had her beaming.

The girls shared stories from drunken nights and listed off the highlight real of their friendship. Since senior year of highschool, they had become inseparable. Octavia Harper and Clarke shared sleepless nights curled up in Harper's basement watching whatever soaps were on that night. Harper had lived with her grandparents in a big house with a pool in the backyard so it was always the  _go to_ place. The memories that they shared there, were a story in themselves. The trouble they got in to would make their parents cringe and almost landed them in jail once or twice. This was where Clarke loved to be. In the hands of her friends with nothing but laughter circling them so freely while being pampered with make up and hair products.

They ride the limo to the park and truly felt like a bunch of movie stars. All a little tipsy but they sober up when the crisp ocean air hits their cheeks. It's not too hot, and it's not too cold and there's enough of a breeze to make Octavia's veil flow softly behind her. When they arrive at the peak of 11am, everyone is already seated and Raven, Echo, Gaia and Indra find their seats as well. Kane welcomes his daughter with a bright kiss to her cheek and a tear in his eye. "You look beautiful, O." He says softly, holding on to her hands. "Your mother would be so proud." Kane wipes a small tear from her eyes as he brings her into a hug. Another tear falls shortly and Harper is already ready to join her.

"Daddy," she whispered softly, "how does Lincoln look?"

He chuckles and a smile tugs at his outer lip. "He looks like he's about to marry the most beautiful girl in the world."

Octavia cracks a heavy sigh of relief and she licks her lips, nodding shyly. Niylah walks out from behind the trees first. The venue they picked was a small off set area of Octavia's favourite park. It was where Lincoln took her on their first official date. They sat on the rocks and talked about their hopes and dreams and everything else that came to mind. She could see the exact spot from the alter. Harper walked next along the man made pathway, the sun shining against her perfectly blonde hair. She caught a glimpse of Echo in the crowd and shimmied her shoulders making everyone laugh.

Then it was Clarke's turn. Steadily holding the bouquet in her hands and the moment she turned the corner, her eyes found Bellamy's standing at the end of the groomsmen line. The moment caught her so off guard she nearly stopped in her tracks but it took everything in her not to. One foot in front of the other is how she guided herself. Even when she looked away she felt only his gaze sitting along her body. The soft chocolate eyes that melted her heart so long before seemed so familiar yet distant. Her heart nothing more than an uneasy mess. She carried herself down the rest of the aisle, holding back tears from the pit of her stomach. When she reached Harper's side, she put her arm around her quickly as if to suggest,  _it's okay, I'm here._

Octavia made her entrance with Kane at her side and everyone rose to their feet. The look on Lincoln's face when her saw her, was like every movie you'd ever seen. His eyes are glued to her and she can't take her eyes off of him. When Octavia breaks a smile from her stone cold face, it's when a tear escapes from his eyes. Bellamy, too, is crying. Softly. It's a mix of happy and regret. His sister was so beautiful, reminded him so fondly of their mother, and you could tell her happiness was radiating from the inside out. The fuel in her belly had been filled and this was her destination. This was exactly where she was meant to be. And although the thought was crazy, the one thing that was fighting from his insides was the idea of Clarke.

He imagined her walking down the aisle just as graceful as Octavia, with her blonde hair falling against her back. The smile wide against her lips as she saw him for the first time. A white dress hugging her body so beautifully to show every curve that he loved so much. The curves of her hips that he missed to hold. All he wanted was to hold her, so desperately, even for a minute. Six months had been too long. Too long to go without the light in her laugh. She was only feet away from him. Nothing but a few people in between. He could run to her and kiss her, and it's exactly what he wanted to do. But the rejection that would come with that was not worth it, and this was Octavia's day.

After vows were exchanged with more than a handful of tears, Octavia and Lincoln walked out with smiles beaming from ear to ear. Nothing could take them down from the high that they were feeling. Nothing would ever beat that. Nyko, Lincoln's best man took Niylah's hand and walked her out, Harper was paired with Ilian, and old friend of Lincoln's from their childhood. Clarke was left to Bellamy. His hand outstretched as she took it, not able to look in his eyes. They wrap their arms accordingly and she follows his lead to the limo where everyone else already is.

Octavia is draped over Lincoln's lap, her lips resting on his so softly. Harper is downing a class of champagne and Niylah is chatting with Nyko. Bellamy escorts Clarke into the limo and she sits quickly, taking a drink from Ilian's outstretched arm.

The ride to the venue for photos was quiet for Clarke. She seemed to zone into her own little world as the limo filled with laughter. She knew she was going to be paired with Bellamy but now, it just seems to real. He was as sitting beside her, after six months of despising him to make herself feel better, here he was. Sitting beside her with scruff along his jaw line which made him look so much older. She was zoned in on his breathing, soft and calming as her own breath hit uneasily. However, not sharing a single word to each other.

When they arrive for pictures, Lincoln and Octavia file out first before the rest of them. As Clarke rises, Bellamy grasps as her hand and she freezes. "Can we talk?"

Clarke looks to Niylah, who is holding the door open, a smile softly grows at her lips. She nods as a sign of approval. Although a piece of Niylah knew that, that was the exact moment she lost Clarke, it was like a weight lifted off her shoulders. She knew this moment was coming, but she knew that this would bring Clarke back. Bring her back to the free and fun young woman she once was. She loved Clarke and the way she made her feel. But this was not where she was supposed to be. Bellamy way.

Clarke sits back down beside Bellamy and a heavy breath escapes from her lips. She feels uneasy and he reaches for her hand which she doesn't pull away. She swallows sharply. "I miss you, Clarke." His voice is raspy and low like it gets when he's nervous. The sound of his voice throws her back to early mornings tangled in the sheets, her head on his chest. She can't look him in the eyes, knowing the moment she does he will completely melt. Like a puddle she's fall into his hands completely.

Clarke sticks her hands in her lap and pulls back her bottom lip. Bellamy rests his hand on her knee and the feeling of his skin against hers pulls her eyes to match his. He's beautiful. And soft. And the expression that he wears against his lips is unsure and she realizes just how nervous he is. "I miss you." She says softly.

Bellamy swallows, his Adam's apple bouncing against his throat. "I love you, Clarke. I've loved you since the moment we met, you make me feel things I can't explain. I need you in my life, you make me whole." She can tell by the sound of his voice that he's on the verge of tears. She knows him well, well enough that she knows he doesn't cry. But with her it all shreds away like a skin and she can see him raw and exposed. But she too, loves him, for that exact quality. Together they're stripped of any baggage or faults that they have. Their weaknesses are the others strengths and they know they're able to take on any problem. "I fucked up, and for the past six months I've payed the consequences. I lived alone and in silence, no one to hold. I tried to move on, Clarke. I really did, I didn't wanna hurt you. Instead, every girl I met, I compared to you and none of them lived up to the standards. None of them made me feel the way you do, none of them understand me like you. Every shooting star, I'll wish for you." Bellamy takes a heavy breath. "I don't know if you'll ever forgive me, but please Clarke. Please give me a second chance. You're all I need."

Clarke licks her lips, dry from the lipstick that's sticking to her skin. She's analyzing his face. The way his lips curve when he talks and the way he gets the little crinkles in his eyes. He feels so far, yet so close. Everything she wants, everything she needs, is right here. All it took was one small smile and the words that dripped from his mouth.  _I need you._

Clarke spotted her favourite freckle that sat on the bridge of his nose, slightly to the right of his face. It was in the shape of an imperfect heart. After all this time... it was still there. Waiting to be kissed softly by Clarke's delicate lips. It had been left untouched for so long, yet it had been her favourite. Why hasn't someone appreciated it like she had? Was that love? Appreciating the little parts of someone that others look right past?

Time moved in slo motion and Bellamy has just finished pouring his heart out when she lines the scruff along his jawline with her fingertips so gently like she's scared of what comes next. But she's not. Because with both hands she's cupping his face in her small child like hands and he shuts his eyes, relieved to feel her touch. He dreamt about this for so long. The moment he would see her again. It was everything he dreamed of every single night and here she was. Real. In the flesh. Cupping his face like she had all those times he pretending to sleep. All those night that she kissed him so softly.

Clarke brushes her nose against Bellamy's and hovers her lips over his. He smells fresh, like the cologne she made him buy at the mall stating it's what she imagined Chris Pine would wear. He didn't want to buy it, but he did anyway. Just because it made her smile. Clarke lets her lips fall over Bellamy's softly and she tugs at his upper lip as he leans in closer, rubbing the back of her neck with his hand. He rubs a small circle on her cheek with his thumb.

"Finally!" Octavia blurts out after opening the door to the limo. Clarke's cheeks automatically flush a pink but she's not pulling away from Bellamy. She has him back in her arms and she doesn't want to let him go. Every apology he had tried to make fell down to this kiss, it said more than he could ever express.

_I love you._

_I need you._

_Please don't leave me._

And she didn't. She stayed there locked to his lips until he pulled away and tugged her behind him. Octavia chirping away about how she is the  _best_ matchmaker this world has ever seen and she  _really_ deserves a raise.

Clarke wraps her arms tightly around Bellamy's and she runs her cheek into the side of his shoulder. "I love you, Bellamy Blake." The smile he wears grows even larger. 

"No." He states. "I love  _you_ , Clarke Griffin."


End file.
